There’s not much else to be said about the Super Bowl. There’s at least one of ‘em every year. I mean, they’ve done… however many LIV is of them, I guess. Eventually every thought and observation that is humanly possible will have been expressed, and I’m pretty sure we hit that point with the Super Bowl when MC Hammer was still hanging out at Falcons games. Fortunately jokes are endless, and timeless, and very easily repeated because really who would remember a random joke from a year ago anyway? We might have nothing to say about this Super Bowl, but many people had hilarious things to say about the game, the ads, the halftime show, Donald Trump’s utterly predictable belief that Kansas City and the Kansas City Chiefs are in Kansas and not Missouri, and, of course, the birth of Baby Nut. Dig in to ‘em below, and mark it down now: Falcons go all the way in 2021.
At the intermission of musicals there should be a very short football game
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 2, 2020
The last thing I need is guys who look like the comic book guy from The Simpsons saying JLo and Shakira look good for their age
— Desi (@DesiJed) February 3, 2020
Ellie, no. I am the “diabeetus” guy. https://t.co/ZsJrviWrwT
— Wilford Brimley (@RealWilfordB) February 3, 2020
Honestly, screw the Planters corporation for making us consider the fact that Mr. Peanut fucks. After halftime McDonald’s is probably going to show us what kind of porn the Grimace is into.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 3, 2020
gotta say it was a good choice to go with a football on the super bowl trophy
— slick (@dlicj) February 3, 2020
I find faulty the premise of Super Bowl halftime shows that “YOU LIKE FOOTBALL? THEN YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS MEDLEY OF DANCE HITS FROM 2004!”
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) February 3, 2020
I’ve officially hit “Who the Hell Is That Up There Rapping” yrs old. Please pray for me during this time #BadBunnypic.twitter.com/Q6mXkUtc4t
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) February 3, 2020
Mr Peanut live autopsy halftime show
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) February 3, 2020
Very excited for everyone to see the Super Bowl ad I worked on. It cost $3.7 million and stars Dennis Franz as Pontius Pilate. It’s for La Quinta Inn & Suites. I don’t want to give away too much.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) February 3, 2020
Impressive that he can type so well with his nondominant hand https://t.co/xRXKnOICyC
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 3, 2020
“Not so easy, is it, hot shots?” – the people who write those toilet paper commercials about bears with poo stuck to their asses right now
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) February 3, 2020
u can tell how evil a company is by how touching their super bowl ad attempts to be
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 3, 2020
When a woman has an age? Brave.
— Beth Newell (@bethnew) February 3, 2020
Life is short. Tell the people you love that you’ll look at photos of them on Google when they die while you still can.
— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) February 3, 2020
“OK Google, remember Mr Peanut.”
— Mark Lisanti (@marklisanti) February 3, 2020
“I’ll have a Coke Halftime.”
“Is #PepsiHalftime OK?”
“No thanks. Just a sweet tea, please.”
— Jarrett Bellini (@JarrettBellini) February 3, 2020
Sports are important because we stop hating each other for our political beliefs and come together to hate each other because we’re from different cities.
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) February 3, 2020
There is a specific gay endorphin that only a woman over 40 wearing a spangled leotard can produce.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) February 3, 2020
Watching the Canadian feed of the game and they literally just ran an ad for cumin.
— pinned tweet is 1 fav reply saying ‘my dude’ (@boring_as_heck) February 3, 2020
54 years ago today, mild-mannered jim bowl was bitten by a radioactive spider
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) February 2, 2020
shots of the owners boxes during the super bowl serve as a great reminder that rich people dress like shit
— Erin The Great State of Kansas Ryan (@morninggloria) February 3, 2020
brands who don’t have celebrities in their commercials? fucking embarrassing. you think i’m gonna crack open a sabra hummus if it’s not endorsed by tiktok stars and a spice girl? go fuck yourself. imagine drinking a pepsi knowing jonah hill drinks coca cola. horrifying…
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) February 3, 2020
Baby Nut is actually just the little turd Mr. Peanut’s body released when he died
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 3, 2020
SUPERBOWL EXCLUSIVE: The late great Dennis Hopper reprises his role from Blue Velvet in a stunning commercial for Walgreens Adult Diapers. “Mommy. Mommy,” he squeals while smearing lipstick on his face.
— vineyille (@vineyille) February 3, 2020
My ideal Super Bowl halftime show is a man wearing a suit explaining how to make the perfect cup of tea, then he proceeds to make the cup of tea and gives it to one lucky fan.
— pinned tweet is 1 fav reply saying ‘my dude’ (@boring_as_heck) February 3, 2020
You (a gullible fool): These Super Bowl ads were made purely for my entertainment
Me (smart, perceptive): The ads were made to entertain you… but also to sell products— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) February 3, 2020
Am I the only one that sees each one of these commercials as an ongoing reminder of which companies are the best at grinding humans into a fine slurry
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) February 3, 2020
the “Super Bowl???” Uh yeah I think I’ll stick to texting on my phone, thanks
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) February 2, 2020
The guy they all rolled over for. pic.twitter.com/FRRjA0tJU7
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) February 3, 2020
Ten grand Puppy Bowl parlay on the over at 120 with Team Ruff to take the trophy and Aspen as MVP pic.twitter.com/FRPGYT2JKt
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) February 2, 2020
The theme of the Super Bowl is “Tech Companies: if we were evil would we know celebrities??????”
— Jonah Goldberg Has No Dick (@BobbyBigWheel) February 3, 2020
Top SB ad was the one where they paid for a dozen random famous people, had them party with all the cartoons representing various affiliated brands, and forgot to make any jokes. Just everyone hanging out together, the Cartoon Bears That Think Only Of Shitting AND Sofia Vergara.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) February 3, 2020
Noth sure the people using the babynut hashtag for the first time should meet the ones that have already been using it
— Bris Angel (@Cryptoterra) February 3, 2020
Enjoyed the game but my one little nit is I hate Fox, The NFL and all the advertisers.
— Jeff (@usedwigs) February 3, 2020
this tweet is shocking. I can’t believe Trump knew Kansas was located in the USA pic.twitter.com/WHc4pct73E
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) February 3, 2020
This time tomorrow, all the machinery of the US government will be working to prove Kansas City is in Kansas.
— Jane McManus (@janesports) February 3, 2020
So…do the Chiefs get their land back now? How does this work?
— Jean Creamery (@kylekinane) February 3, 2020