In the face of tragedy, Twitter occasionally proves itself to be a salve of joyful stupidity against th horrors of the worlds. This week was a once in a lifetime chance to riff with hundreds of thousands of people about feral hogs while the nation was dealing with the icy aftermath of two horrific mass shootings. It started when a man questioned country singer Jason Isbell’s claim that if you were arguing about the definition of assault weapon anymore you were the problem. Then a hero spoke up.
Legit question for rural Americans – How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?
The internet took his legit question and ran with it. Hundreds of thousands of people Tweeted jokes about feral hogs. It was pure. It was stupid. It was one of the oddest cases of traumatized people shit posting in the face of horror. We thought long and hard about how many feral hogs Tweets to add this week. In the end we only chose a few. Because ultimately, the magic of feral hogs was in the moment of discovery. If you weren’t there when 30 to 50 feral hogs ran into the internet’s yard, well you’ll never really know what it’s like.
Remember 30-50 feral hogs? That was six years ago today.
Legit question for D&D Players – How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my Sylvan Forest within 3-5 rounds while my small adventure party explores? pic.twitter.com/uEuwApY0NW
Just spent 3-5 minutes of my life trying to explain 30-50 feral hogs to someone who doesn’t use Twitter. The struggle is real. #feralhogspic.twitter.com/dtwaqV40HU
Struck by how many white people have expressed fear of my working-class black and brown neighborhood, even though we utterly lack the resources and police protection required to stockpile armor and weapons or commit mass murder and live to tell about it
Everybody wants to talk abt how fat the south is, but no one wants to give us credit for also havin the skinniest white ppl on earth. A 98 pound man in jorts at a dollar general sayin “get them kids some chips” – that’s us too
Once I hooked up with a classically hot guy I knew who only ever dated tiny perfect blondes and the whole time he was like, almost in disbelief, “You have such a good personality,” which should have offended me but instead I was like yeah I know how I got here take your shirt off
It was so terrible, we used to listen to people tell stories about crimes to relax, and every now and then an egg would be bigger than before, or there’d be 30-50 feral hogs and that was our only source of joy. -me describing now to my nonexistent grandkids
Why must our nation tremble before the hordes of 30-50 feral hogs as helpless citizens cower in limp terror? Why can’t God-fearing Americans stand tall and take up what is rightfully theirs—the right to shoot hog after hog in front of their children?
No one is more deeply perverted than people who are hyper traditionalist about gender roles especially if they’re the type that’s also really obsessed w like white European art aesthetics. The horniest people alive
RIP to Toni Morrison. Beloved quote giver to white college girls everywhere
— Listen to @onbeliefpod Li’l (@karengeier) August 6, 2019
YOU: the meritocracy exists
THIS LADY, DRIVING HER $50k SUV TO GET HER WEEKLY $180 BLOW OUT: when the animated corpse of JFK Jr solves the Delcroix Configuration & unlocks the satellites that’ll shoot lasers into the skulls of every pedophile on earth, it’s over for you bitches https://t.co/B54e4QVor7
— Mega IQ King Jake Paul Sartre (@PissJugTycoon) August 7, 2019
all white ppl’s ancestors are in hell except for the Irish and Italian ones I don’t make the rules
What’s a fuck up you think about constantly? I remember in high school, our football coach was yelling at another player and probably meant to say he was gonna “bust his ass” but instead said “im gonna bust your nut” and I’ve thought about it quarterly for the last 16 years.
Fun thing about bernie going on Rogan is thinking about every dumb guy I’ve known for the last 10 years listening to it at the gym and looking thoughtfully out the window into the distance
An out-of-town white supremest tried to throw a straight pride parade in Modesto and he let the truth slip in a city council meeting. You can’t make this shit up pic.twitter.com/LwwHo7c5EY