The fact that we’re living in a dystopia has become a reoccuring theme of this otherwise silly weekly column. While it may seem like a political statement, the reality is that spending as much time on Twitter as is required to compile this list drives the thought into your head. You see the bad along with the good, and often the bad far outweighs the good. But then when it starts to feel too much, like you simply can’t read another sad thing without exploding, you see something so funny you can’t help but smile. We hope these jokes bring you a smile, and promise not to mention the dystopia next week. Here are the funniest Tweets of the week.
The Joker should have been a woman. And she finally went insane because too many random dudes told her to smile, so now she perpetually smiles while terrorizing Gotham.
From my inbox: a proposal to protect schools from shooters by installing a sprinkler system that sprays olive oil, so an attacker would fall and not be able to get to the classrooms. Not one I’ve heard before.
same day delivery is the most American shit of all time, you run out of deodorant or something and with a single click start a Rube Goldberg of human suffering in an Amazon warehouse twenty miles away
I once came out of a blackout playing chess with some homeless guys in Washington Square park and that’s when I realized I might have a drinking problem because they were like “you have a drinking problem”
If you’re gonna sit next to me on a 7am flight and very calmly & casually drink 3 gin & tonics please just have the courtesy to say to me “I’m very scared of flying” or “Life has no meaning”