It’s Bong Joon Ho’s world now, the rest of us just live in it. The Oscars were on Sunday and they were… long! The show proceeded without a host, again, and instead decided to fill their runtime with presenters presenting presenters, an opening musical number that referenced multiple films not nominated for anything, and Eminem for reasons still unknown. Despite Mr. Mathers’ random-as-hell performance of an 18-year-old song, the best part of the night was seeing Todd Phillips get beat out by Bong Joon Ho and the Parasite crew for Best Director and Best Picture. The film went on to win for Best Original Screenplay, Best International Film, and Best Oscar GIFs (unofficial). While we’re busy handing out accolades, let’s look at the nominees for Paste’s funniest tweets of the week.
ME: hello
CHARACTER IN A WES ANDERSON FILM: good evening. or salutations. or perhaps it’s almost goodnight, i’m sorry. i was never good with time or clocks or meaningful friendships, huh. …do you know how to get to the TITLE OF FILM? blinks thrice
remembering when all the women everywhere were like “don’t hit on women while they’re at work!” like I support y’all but you’ve effectively ruined my life and I hope ur happy
Chrissy Tiegen: guys I made floor nachos, they’re nachos you eat while you sit on the floor & fart up an area rug, lol am I even allowed to say that BuzzFeed: Umm Floor Nachos!? 10 More Reasons To Abandon The False Abrahamic God & Sacrifice Vestal Virgins In Chrissy’s Name
If anyone ever tells you that Italians aren’t white just remind them that we came up with the phrase “that’s a spicy meat-a-ball!” We think meatballs are spicy. We’re white.
MY girlfriend and I will often debate which is “nerdier” to be an ardent fan of: Lord of the Rings (her) or Looney Tunes (me). I maintain MINE is cooler, because, folks, last time I checked it wasn’t GANDALF who was good friends with MICHAEL JORDAN OF THE CHICAGO BULLS!!!
NYC public transit is like “Due to an earlier incident in 1972, trains are delayed in all directions. We apologize for the inconvenience for the next 1,000 years.”
midnight snack?? you mean you wake up in the middle of the night and you have food in the fridge? that you didn’t eat during the day????? ok wow the queen of france has entered the chat
I had a professor who threw a big hissy fit about how he needs “detailed proof” of why you’re going to be absent only for him to get mad when I sent him pictures of some pads and Midol I bought and the receipt? Play stupid games win stupid prizes dude
