Considering seven days ago we had just found out the president had COVID and was being airlifted to a hospital, I think it’s safe to say that this week has been a weird year or two. Between the daily ongoing inanity of the Trump situation, the VP debate on Wednesday, the drive-by punching of Universally Beloved Comedy Legend Rick Moranis, the shattering death of Eddie Van Halen, and, uh, the return of Saturday Night Live, there was more stuff happening this week than any lowly tweet gallery compiler should ever have to deal with. It’s a hard road but one we simply have to walk.
Here are the good tweets that got a like out of us this week. Check ‘em out, follow the people who wrote them, and prepare yourself for more shotgun blasts of unthinkable absurdity straight to the face over the next seven days.
There’s more cases of Covid in the White House than in all of New Zealand
— Forrest B (@ForrestBrung) October 2, 2020
But how will they know if they lose their sense of taste? pic.twitter.com/ctYJ0Ep80X
— Greg Hogben (@MyDaughtersArmy) October 2, 2020
Twitter after hearing about Rick Moranis pic.twitter.com/MzB0lOjLtM
— Hex Alley (@Hexxalong) October 2, 2020
2020 is so bad Rick Moranis came out of retirement and didn’t last a month before getting punched in the head
— The Undertake-Jere (@swingdingaling) October 2, 2020
Trump says he doesn’t believe in Socialism but he’s about to get tens of thousands of dollars worth of public healthcare that he only paid $750 for
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) October 2, 2020
COVID19 is the only thing Trump has ever acquired in life by actually earning it
— Matt Stehman (@MattStehman) October 2, 2020
covid attempting to impress jodie foster
— (@isabeatty) October 2, 2020
Please have some sympathy for the man who ruined your life then murdered your grandparents
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 2, 2020
they’re cueing up the guitar coda from Layla https://t.co/gcHYt32Icb
— blaaaaaaaaaines (@blainecapatch) October 3, 2020
Cannot stop thinking about Koko the gorilla being asked to tell a joke and her signing “I love Ron” about one of the researchers. Can you imagine being Ron
— sung (@killdads) October 2, 2020
I will Venmo $100 dollars to the first Walter Reed staffer that dresses up like Herman Cain and warns him that he’s going to be visited by three ghosts tonight.
— Lord Scott Baxter Bowser (@scott_bowser) October 3, 2020
yea so do a ton of your colleagues https://t.co/nOYf9ypAeZ
— “historically sexy” varsha (@varsha_venkat_) October 3, 2020
If Biden had COVID Trump would be retweeting cartoons of himself pushing Biden’s hospital bed off of a cliff
— Vinny Thomas (!) (@vinn_ayy) October 3, 2020
The very first Coachella attendee https://t.co/RsI63bz6mO
— John Carpenter’s Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) October 3, 2020
Sorry but if the only consistent ideology in your politics is “We are total fucking assholes” you don’t get to lecture anybody about not acting sufficiently sad when the king of the assholes is sick
— Erin GrudgePAC Ryan (@morninggloria) October 3, 2020
Took a pic of the cat lookin out the window and accidentally turned him into some sort of god. pic.twitter.com/xjN4W6peSJ
— Amanda (@cloudcat28) October 1, 2020
the character select screen for Racist Mortal Kombat https://t.co/pPoKmW3ZnH
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) October 3, 2020
Horror movie boyfriends are like “you’ve been such a bitch ever since your mom died yesterday ”
— Colin Young (@ColinYovng) October 3, 2020
This means nothing but I can’t stop thinking it: If “The Big Lebowski” were a true story, it would be a ten-hour-long docuseries.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 4, 2020
INVENTOR OF THE AIR CONDITIONER: it’s super heavy
ME: Put in once and that’s it?
IOTAC: no u take it out every season
ME: so there’s handles?
IOTAC: no.
ME: oh.
IOTAC: the back is covered in a thousand exposed razor blades— Ebert, but spooky (@horsedivorce) October 4, 2020
I’ve been secretly recording my boss ignoring me for over a year pic.twitter.com/MpSIhjEh0M
— Michael Benjamin (@mfbenji) October 6, 2020
https://t.co/J9FKJXTBhXpic.twitter.com/hBUB0xqU81
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) October 6, 2020
A year ago, someone walked into the coffee shop where I work and ordered a pumpkin latte. I wrote my number on the receipt. Celebrating a year today. Things between us are crisis level bad. Each day together feels worse than the last. But being alone is my greatest fear pic.twitter.com/dPlRryhJAq
— Steve Gerard (@stevegerard_) October 5, 2020
To feel the euphoric high of fitting into a sweater from the children’s section, to carry it to the register as another void-filling trophy more than a required item, then to see it scan as part of the ‘Big Girls’ line & be reminded of childhood obesity; this is to be American
— Dina Hashem (@dinahashem_) October 6, 2020
I get that a president dying isn’t funny on it’s own but imagine if Lincoln stood up in the middle of the play and was like I WILL NEVER BE SHOT
— Moss Perricone (@mossperricone) October 5, 2020
like many people, i got into comedy in the hopes that an old canadian man would one day force me to get an entirely new set of teeth
— jamieloftus (@jamieloftusHELP) October 7, 2020
Pence did such a bad job at his job that his boss had to go to the hospital
— Allen Strickland Williams (@TotallyAllen) October 8, 2020
who’s gonna play the fly on snl and why is it gonna be pete davidson
— k a y (@ohkaythankyou) October 8, 2020
Being an adult means you have a total of 3 friends and they all live in different parts of the country and periodically you just send each other videos of weird dogs and say “this made me think of you”
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 5, 2020
This is just different settings in FaceApp: Militia. https://t.co/Ddl3UsIiKU
— Jason Gore (@sonicdork) October 8, 2020
PROTIP: you can make your right wing terror cell look bigger by just repeating the same 2 or 3 guys pic.twitter.com/7lgHjw5×1k
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) October 9, 2020