The Funniest Tweets of the Week

Last week was a pretty good week for tweets but this week is already shaping up to be a great week for tweets. So if, in a day or four, you find yourself trudging through the old race with a big ol’ frown on your face, wondering what it’s all about, if this daily toil will ever amount to anything, just picture yourself next Monday reading a roundup of all the great tweets that got tweeted this week about, oh, Donald Trump Jr. being a total moron who admitted to attempting collusion, or Wal-Mart selling uranium to Iran, or who knows what else will happen. It’s gonna be good! Relatively speaking.

pic.twitter.com/iMCNvSsbKu
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) July 9, 2017

thinking really hard about how to convince everyone Russia didn’t interfere in the election Putin said Russia didn’t interfere in the elec
— ???? Dollars Horton ???? (@crushingbort) July 9, 2017

Sometimes I feel like the Times doesn’t really respect its readers. pic.twitter.com/eVUgxBS9tb
— Howard Mittelmark (@HMittelmark) July 9, 2017

Twitter dot com pic.twitter.com/8jnYjoq0FM
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— Michæl Lu†z (@WarrenIsDead) July 8, 2017

Hate that “centrist” becoming derogatory – it basically means being open to the idea that human life has no intrinsic value https://t.co/dNB1EO1OjU
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) July 8, 2017

my startup, tylt, comes to ur house and fucking destroys its foundation on one side. it’s free and we depend on word of mouth
— luscious admin (@OkButStill) July 7, 2017

drinking gatorade without any exercise is the exact same thing as exercise. even the most complicated scientists cannot tell the difference
— ????churly whirly???? (@chumbawalden) July 7, 2017

pic.twitter.com/hOyW3IS0Ic
— KRANG T. NELSON (@KrangTNelson) July 7, 2017

you still wake up sometimes, don’t you? you wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lamby
— Slammin Bod Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 7, 2017

Man so embarrassed by some things I did when I was younger. Luckily in the future I’ll never be embarrassed by anything I’m currently doing
— Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) July 7, 2017

SPIDER-MAN: you wont get away with this, vulture
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— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) July 7, 2017

part of defending the west is walking right past things due to dementia and getting really mad about TV ratings
— RusticBaller (@ByYourLogic) July 7, 2017

TRUMP: Did you hack the election
PUTIN: N—
TRUMP: Which I won by the way, nobody thought I could win but I won by the most votes ever
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 7, 2017

A new Amelia Earhart theory suggests she flew beyond the clouds to successfully find and kill God, in the end becoming a god herself
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 7, 2017

pic.twitter.com/g6NsK7WB2V
— Ziwe (@ziwe) July 7, 2017
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I work at a lab where they grow rats on ears and smear lipstick with monkeys. It’s called science and it’s the only way forward.
— Steven Markow (@Steven_Markow) July 7, 2017

This shit is like if in 400 years we made a show about how hot Larry David was pic.twitter.com/jwcj1lWwY0
— Joseph Carnegie (@JoeCarnegie) July 7, 2017

C’mon dude, really? pic.twitter.com/SqZZ43exxl
— Mike Rundle (@flyosity) July 7, 2017

shit-talking the dog she abandoned on Instagram is peak Lena Dunham pic.twitter.com/SOm3ncIRg7
— eve peyser (@evepeyser) July 7, 2017

TRUMP: Hello Poland. I rode an airplane here.
CHRIS CILIZZA (into an unplugged microphone): I do not lightly use the word “Rooseveltesque”—
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) July 6, 2017

I did it pic.twitter.com/8pU8k4xjJq
— Call Out Boy (@benkling) July 6, 2017

Oh for sure pic.twitter.com/cJ9M9xlkaz
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) July 6, 2017

LEGEND pic.twitter.com/UGKw0XWpPv
— David Lewis (@davidclewis) July 6, 2017

The Wegmans family signed my bottle of mustard ???? pic.twitter.com/13o3dZR69m
— Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) July 6, 2017

I’m seeing double: four Spider-Men pic.twitter.com/GTgtdUwqZf
— Jesse David Fox (@JesseDavidFox) July 6, 2017

Hobby Lobby funding ISIS would be the greatest story of the modern era
— Sam Biddle (@samfbiddle) July 5, 2017

Inspiring. This person got a job at Comedian after being fired from their job at Comedian. Must have learned 2 persist at Stand Up Comedian. pic.twitter.com/sWpAKYWedi
— Sam Taggart (@samttaggart) July 5, 2017

pic.twitter.com/lPiuAUjsHw
— Gourmet Hot Takes (@NuclearTakes) July 4, 2017

men: “women can’t take a joke! they’re so sensitive!”
also men: more afraid of women laughing at them than anything else on earth
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) July 4, 2017

got a big day planned with my friends. it was worth every penny pic.twitter.com/qphDubSN5p
— RusticBaller (@ByYourLogic) July 4, 2017

the Confederacy is still suffering casualties at Gettysburg https://t.co/9SjzTePEe6 pic.twitter.com/kuM0dRNhK6
— Simon Maloy (@SimonMaloy) July 4, 2017

Happy 4th of July!
1 like = 1 American atrocity
— Lana Del Raytheon (@LanaDelRaytheon) July 4, 2017

they coulda made a spinoff of bones called butts about a doctor who does forensic butt reconstruction but i guess hollywood doesn’t like joy
— Slammin Bod Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 4, 2017

……………………… pic.twitter.com/9yc8ktdLKZ
— Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) July 4, 2017

i think the baby driver is a virgin and im glad he is in jail
— Julie Mandel-Folly (@JulieHMF) July 4, 2017

When you’ve literally walked on the moon and never seen shit this crazy pic.twitter.com/AYFVEXblSB
— Regular Fred (@RegularFred) July 4, 2017

The Taco Bell Double Chalupa: The first taco that LOOKS like it’s saying “please kill me” pic.twitter.com/agPZa6mPCK
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) July 4, 2017

When another boy has a beach pic.twitter.com/IK9okyEizu
— Jules (@Julian_Epp) July 3, 2017