If you’re here for “curvy wife” tweets, those are toward the end. I’m not sure why we didn’t do a dedicated post for that meme but we didn’t and now it’s too late. The moment passed; a new moment has begun. Personally I think this week might be pretty good, if it doesn’t suck. I found a new salmon recipe I’m gonna try, and also some new sunglasses in case it gets sunny. We rearranged the living room so there’s more open space for the dog, which, who knows how that’ll play out but he’s loving it so far. This is just me I’m talking about, which I know might not be very relatable but it is accurate. I’ll keep you posted about the living room.
To put this in perspective, there are only ten Care Bears. He’s deep into Care Bear Cousins at this point. https://t.co/z031f03Old
— Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) August 6, 2017
Tale as old as time,
Song as old as rhyme,
I love my thick wife— umami skeleton (@Merman_Melville) August 6, 2017
(sees people mad at the curvy wife guy) heh, good thing I only like petite broads! (Everyone gets mad at me) what the fuck
— derek (@eedrk) August 5, 2017
Man do I got a movie for you https://t.co/xVtCyc25YQ
— dog daddy (@broebong) August 5, 2017
“tell Sharon I still love her…” pic.twitter.com/iaOhfjzNGf
— bitch king of angmar (@sarahesoltan) August 5, 2017
I love my dead gay big wife
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 5, 2017
I FEAR MY CURVY WIFE
by H.P. LovecraftI shudder to think of her non-Euclidean geometry, an eldritch shape no earthly eye can comprehend…
— Jennifer Morrow (@jenniferemorrow) August 5, 2017
I love this woman and her curvy body. As a teenager, I was often teased by my friends for my attraction to girls on the thicker side, ones w pic.twitter.com/hAInCi4f7q
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) August 4, 2017
i love my curvy adult son
— Miles Shkrelkee (@MilesKlee) August 4, 2017
— d?(?)lt?n (@lilghosthands) August 4, 2017
Please, my wife, she’s very thick.
— Samantha (@samanthamarg) August 4, 2017
Bernie Sanders has yet to tweet his support for The Thick Wife. Your silence is deafening, Senator.
— Lib Crusher (@lib_crusher) August 4, 2017
The grand jury should be like the last episode of Seinfeld, where various haters & losers from Trump’s past testify how he wronged them
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) August 3, 2017
Enough is enough. #LetThemOutpic.twitter.com/Tkc0cpFm0Q
— Ikechukwu Ufomadu (@ikeminded) August 3, 2017
The country should be run like a business! What kind of business? A Ponzi scheme run by demented Nazi carnies, fuck you for asking!
— Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) August 3, 2017
It’s weird how many children’s snack mascots are anthropomorphic food items with full consciousness begging to be killed.
— Kaleb Horton (@kalebhorton) August 3, 2017
it rules that Trump’s negotiation tactic is just repeatedly begging
— RusticBaller (@ByYourLogic) August 3, 2017
Fallout: Bran pic.twitter.com/YjJ5mmUxEC
— Amy Berg (@bergopolis) August 3, 2017
So much to be angry about every day. When will it end? It’s almost as if my Emmy nomination for Best Variety Sketch Series is meaningless.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) August 3, 2017
Nice try but I have fallen for this shit before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/5uM4T18L6g
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) August 2, 2017
About time someone like Stephen Miller had the political genius to take on the very overrated Statue of Liberty, who everybody hates
— James Poniewozik (@poniewozik) August 2, 2017
wow, shit pic.twitter.com/S4lhqFgrzP
— johnny cymbalta (@OkButStill) August 2, 2017
— ?netw3rk (@netw3rk) August 2, 2017
Tell you what if Jeff Ross ever roasted me I’d woop his ass
— whitmer thomas (@WhitmerThomas) August 2, 2017
All the Democrats love Milkshake Duck, the lovely duck who will beat Donald Trump! We regret to inform you the duck loves prison labor.
— Matt Christman (@cushbomb) August 1, 2017
not to kink shame but there’s no way that everyone in trumps cabinet isn’t dying in an autoerotic asphyxiation accident
— Julie Mandel-Folly (@JulieHMF) August 1, 2017
Okja (2017) pic.twitter.com/uibXW2xftN
— Ken Greller (@kengreller) August 1, 2017
Oh no pic.twitter.com/Q8ZKxuYDnW
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) August 1, 2017
roses are red
violets arise https://t.co/Y7Ra4MJibP— crissy (@crissymilazzo) July 31, 2017
I’d venture to say this is the very definition of comedy. https://t.co/5RoMFV9r90
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) July 31, 2017
Someone take my phone away pic.twitter.com/Xqnqena1md
— Kenny Keil (@kennykeil) July 31, 2017