The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo by Scott Eisen/Getty Images
What to say about last week? It happened and now it’s over. Steve Bannon did a hilarious self-own and then got canned; quote unquote free speech activists in Boston did an even bigger self-own; Tina Fey did a bad bit about cake; the president twice tweeted a tweet with the same typos; some statues got torn down. Not a great week but not a horrible one, except for the horrible parts. And now, as our reward for getting through it, we get an eclipse! What a treat. Don’t @ me today, I will be on a boat in a lake watching the sun go dark. Enjoy the content.
millennials are entering fewer sinister hedge mazes, putting the wizened fauns who plant and tend them under financial strain
— ringworm (@prawn_meat) August 18, 2017
— ????churly whirly???? (@chumbawalden) August 18, 2017
sees people getting excited about science, which is like my entire dang brand https://t.co/MOV8cO1X5l
— brian feldman (@bafeldman) August 18, 2017
I honestly think about this Trump quote every single day. pic.twitter.com/PDhmn0fcc4
— eve ?? peyser (@evepeyser) August 18, 2017
charlottesville: [silence for 3 days] both sides were violent
barcelona: [5 min. later] DIP THE BULLETS IN PIG’S BLOOD
— ?netw3rk (@netw3rk) August 17, 2017
[extremely racist voice] my history
— Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) August 17, 2017
Gonna pitch an alternate-reality tv show where the civil war is over
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 17, 2017
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) August 17, 2017
“why is millennial humor so weird?”
it’s called a resurgence of neo-dadaism, you uncultured filth. take an art class and get depressed
— Kyle Gaddo (@kylegaddo) August 17, 2017
lmao the new york times just found out about boba pic.twitter.com/yCB3tWCIYe
— Wilfred Chan (@wilfredchan) August 17, 2017
Donald Trump gets our worst possible score of 5 Pinnochios for his claim Adolf Hitler trained Revolutionary War troops. He lived much later.
— “TBONE” O’Sullivan (@Bro_Pair) August 17, 2017
rt if you vote for Big Ben to be renamed Massive Mohammed
— anna (@spiderIand) August 16, 2017
this is it. the worst tinder bio ive ever seen pic.twitter.com/NdJuyc7zam
— 18 days (@femmepizza) August 16, 2017
Is he koalafied to work that equipment? https://t.co/cMcXyxbolY
— ???? (@lordflaconegro) August 16, 2017
Like he always used to say on The Apprentice, “I’m disbanding this board room before the rest of you can quit in protest”
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) August 16, 2017
guess who the mayors who erected them were pandering to https://t.co/SzfA9NThbn
— Matt Pearce (@mattdpearce) August 16, 2017
If you are a beloved cartoon space toy why are you also a grunting washed up cokehead https://t.co/Q3K3UwdVgU
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) August 16, 2017
oh no we are doomed to repeat winning the civil war pic.twitter.com/i1wYorzkuT
— joe mande (@JoeMande) August 16, 2017
pop off the confederate generals and let the horses roam free pic.twitter.com/dvMlCrytmK
— Matt Barats (@MattBarats) August 16, 2017
You know we’re fucked when jimmy fallon takes a side
— Sam Taggart (@samttaggart) August 16, 2017
some wishful thinking from the post office today pic.twitter.com/d4ljOGEpvz
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) August 16, 2017
This guy yelled at me for calling myself a “male feminst (hero)”, then went down my timeline and yelled at me for not understanding Twister. pic.twitter.com/DVA7NjBiph
— shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) August 16, 2017
Me when I first joined twitter vs. me now pic.twitter.com/gnT26jakYn
— M E A T R A T T L E (@MeatRattle) August 16, 2017
John Mccain can’t get his tumor removed as it is an important part of American History and heritage
— very good jared (@PretendMaker) August 16, 2017
guys I think Piss Nazi might be a bigot
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 15, 2017
Congrats to today’s GOP
On backing a fine nominee,
Now busy befriending
The Nazis defending
Confederate Robert E. Lee.— Limericking (@Limericking) August 15, 2017
“Fuck everyone who said Trump and Hillary were the same. By the way, did you know the alt left and the alt right are the same”
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) August 15, 2017
“Mom, I booked a gig, but before I tell you what it is let’s remember this is a very competitive industry.” https://t.co/7Ks3LxwaZ2
— Alejandro Kolleeny (@AleKolleeny) August 15, 2017
Here’s twitter today, for some reason pic.twitter.com/jZIdw6lTTe
— Patrick Delaney (@patrickfdelaney) August 15, 2017
So sick of Liberals sanitizing history! Now open your state-issued textbooks, it’s time to learn how the Civil War was really about tariffs
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) August 15, 2017
I didn’t believe In ghosts until I realized that David Duke was a phantom that’s been haunting the earth since the civil war pic.twitter.com/xYX5yR7155
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) August 15, 2017
BUT…BUT THE HISTORY! pic.twitter.com/fa99PdZUfu
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) August 15, 2017
If you blogged about your wedding, you better blog about your divorce
— Margaret Lyons (@margeincharge) August 15, 2017
“Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.” pic.twitter.com/7XxFfMMh78
— ????Danuel Fetizanan???? (@DanuelFetizanan) August 15, 2017
first guy to ever say cowabunga: cowabunga, dude
his friend: what the fuck did u just say
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 15, 2017
first guy to ever say cowabunga: cowabunga, dude
his friend: what the fuck did u just say
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 15, 2017
my brain is so atrophied in the year 2017 that i can read this headline and have zero emotional response pic.twitter.com/EiVhfslDJA
— j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) August 15, 2017
— Luke Savage (@LukewSavage) August 15, 2017
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