Okay everyone, I gotta do this intro paragraph real quick before I leave for Star Wars. That’s right, it’s Sunday night and I haven’t seen Star Wars yet and now is my turn to see Star Wars. None of my friends are around to see Star Wars with me on a Sunday night so I’m going to see Star Wars alone. I’m going to see it in 3D because all the 2D showtimes in my local theatre are sold out. I could see it in 2D at a slightly farther theatre but it’s cheaper to see it in 3D at the closer theatre than in 2D at the farther theatre. It’s a complicated world we live in and I love it. As to the last week: It was the week of “Cat Person” discourse; it was the week Doug Jones got elected; it was the week of Keaton; it was the week Michael Che and Colin Jost ascended to that most rarified of positions: two of SNL’s four co-head writers; it was the week of Star Wars, and specifically, the week I saw Star Wars. Well, here I go.
when you drink the water thats been sitting out on your bedside table for 3 days pic.twitter.com/oQ1e6Ol8Lj
EVERY CHEF: I’m a badass! Look at all my tattoos! I can snort all the cocaine! I’VE KILLED A MAN! I ONCE SWALLOWED 10 BULLETS & A CARTON OF CIGS! Please try my lemon soufflé with cardamom & blackberry jam topped with a dollop of chiffon cream.
it’s like I want to get a Christmas tree but it’s just gonna set off a magical chain of holiday surprises that turn my life upside down and teach me how to love again
So fucking annoyed. Crowd at my Last Jedi screening wouldn’t stop chanting “The. Town. The. Town” over and over until the theater buckled and played Ben Affleck’s The Town instead
Sorry to report that Matt Damon and Ben affleck, the men behind classic films such as What If Someone From Boston Were Smart , What if Someone From Boston Outsmarted the Cops & What if Someone From Boston Lost a Baby turned out to be … bad
A child is going to go viral for eating a bunch of batteries and fall into a coma and then Elon Musk will post something like “Hey Dylan, we could use that kind of ingenuity… at Space X. DMs are open.”
sometimes when I’m with a friend I’ll wonder, what are they thinking about me? then I realize they’re probably remembering one of my classic bits, and smile
the funniest thing in all of the world to me right now is imagining this kid politely declining pic.twitter.com/akbBjN7TAp
— ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????? (@RYLANDDUNCAN) December 11, 2017
the only cat story for me the the one about the jailed khajiit fur trader who skinned his brother… he has one lockpick and the northern wall of his prison cell is weak from disrepair
