Netflix to Release Four More Adam Sandler Movies Because They Hate Us

Netflix has announced they will be financing and producing four more Adam Sandler movies to be released exclusively on Netflix. That sound you hear is our entire staff groaning in unison.

Believe it or not, Sandler’s first two Netflix movies, The Ridiculous 6 (which, by the way, earned a 0 percent on Rotten Tomatoes) and The Do-Over, became the most-watched original Netflix films ever. In terms of views and clicks, Sandler is stupidly popular. We know that sounds like the title of an sub-par Onion article, but it’s totally true.

Even more surreal, Ted Sarandos, Netflix Chief Content Officer, made this statement with absolutely no trace of irony:

Adam Sandler is one of the leading comedians in the film world, and his movies have proven to be extremely successful with our subscribers around the world. We are thrilled at the opportunity to extend our partnership with Adam and his entire team at Happy Madison and keep the world laughing.

Sandler, who before Netflix, was clearly about to move from actor limbo to just plain old actor death, is thrilled at the unexpectedly successful arrangement. “Love working with Netflix and collaborating with them. I love how passionate they are about making movies and getting them out there for the whole world to see,” said Sandler. “They’ve made me feel like family and I can’t thank them enough for their support.”

Sandler’s next Netflix movie, Sandy Wexler, will debut on April 14 on the streaming service. You can watch the trailer below, if you really want to inflict that on yourself.