The first-ever World Cup halftime show was an empty promise

The 2026 World Cup already felt uber American throughout its run—fraud claims, immigration scandals, traffic, wildfire smoke taking over participating cities—but perhaps never more so than during the much-anticipated halftime show of Sunday’s final match between powerhouses Spain and Argentina. But the match, which was deadlocked at nil-nil halfway through, was interrupted for an 11-minute super-performance. Curated by Coldplay’s Chris Martin, the medley included appearances from Madonna, BTS, Justin Bieber, and Shakira, with additional help from a slew of (mostly) family-friendly cultural figures. It would, Martin promised, be “all about togetherness.” Unsurprisingly, it was little more than a plastic facsimile of humanity.

The performances began with an admittedly arresting pre-recorded clip of a Madonna performing her 2000 hit “Music.” The clip’s production was so sleek—and so obviously not live—that the group I was watching with initially thought it was an ad. Only when Madge popped up in a shimmering pink ATV (driven by elder Brazilian soccer stars Ronaldo and Ronaldinho, no less) did it become clear that the show had begun. Flanked by her tracksuited fútbol minions, Madonna strutted out onto the pitch for the song’s climax. As soon as the sunlight hit her well-preserved face, however, the camera did a dizzying pan to Venezuelan conductor Gustavo Dudamel, who joyfully directed the New York Philharmonic, the Simón Bolívar Symphony Orchestra, and, yes, the Muppets in an instrumental ode to the unexpected sports anthem “Seven Nation Army.” “Sing!” Animal urged, and the audience mostly complied. I love the Muppets, but it should be discouraging that they were the highlight of the halftime performance. 

After a charming rendition of Norway’s “Row!” chant that paid homage to Scandinavian superstar (and perfect meme fodder) Erling Haaland, BTS emerged from the stadium’s bowels to give a clean-cut, personality-less rendition of their smash hit “Dynamite.” Perfect, rote, and punctuated by teen-girl screams, it further emphasized the spectacle with a panem-et-circenses flair. But wait, there’s more: Ted Lasso co-stars Jason Sudeikis and Brendan Hunt appeared before the cameras, decked out in their characters’ wardrobes. Sudeikis’ Lasso was an appropriate mascot for the event as a whole: mass-produced for widespread appeal and devoid of sharp edges. After a short skit, the duo’s purpose was revealed: they were to “sub in” Justin Bieber, because, as Sudeikis-qua-Lasso aptly described, “We need someone that has some soul.” Bieber, after receiving a Lasso pep talk, broke from the spectacle’s script with a solo acoustic rendition of his SWAG II song “Everything Hallelujah.” Though a bit down-tempo compared to the rest of the halftime proceedings, it was the most human part of the show. Plus, one got to imagine Donald Trump swaying along to Bieber crooning an ad-libbed “It’s the World Cup, Hallelujah.” That day, there was one less lonely president. 

To finish the show off, Martin steered it back to its roots: Shakira, a much-needed breath of life, emerged feathered and sparkly to lip-sync her World Cup anthem “Dai Dai,” featuring Burna Boy. The performance was sweetened by backup from the Ugandan youth dance group Ghetto Kids, who were adorable, if a somewhat obvious ploy. Finally, the camera zoomed out to reveal the giant rainbow stage on which the proceedings had taken place, before cutting in to show New York’s PS22 Chorus shilling (through no fault of their own) a new and eye-twitchingly saccharine Coldplay track called “We Dance.” Also, the Muppets came back. Colored streamers filled the sky as Martin crooned, “We believe in love.” Shakira popped her hip as she made a heart with her arms. A cutout of the world made the “O” in a series of fabrics held aloft to spell out the word “LOVE.” The cameras panned again, revealing the urban planning nightmare that is MetLife Stadium. The Eastern Seaboard sky again filled with smoke, this time of brilliant hue. In conclusion: Robert Smith was right. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH,” indeed.

Miranda Wollen is a staff writer at Paste and is based in New York City. Follow her @mirandakwollen or email her.

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