Bill O’Reilly to Test New Web Show, Seeking to Eventually Rival Fox News

Today in “things nobody asked for,” Bill O’Reilly is concocting his return to news after sexual assault allegations saw the “no spin” anchor get booted from his longtime home at Fox News, which he claims had a “very well thought-out and financed effort to destroy [him].”

As he revealed on the first stop of “The Spin Stops Here Tour,” per Newsday, O’Reilly will beta test a 30-minute newscast that will air on his website, billoreilly.com, which looks a lot like that fake website Hayden Christiansen creates in Shattered Glass to fudge a source (1:58 in the clip below).

O’Reilly says the service—or disservice, depending on how you look at it—will be up-and-running by September. He suspects that another network will “merge” with his and that there will be a network that “rises up because the numbers for Fox are going down.”

You, too, could have access to “No Spin News” and “a thriving message board community with a wealth of opinions and information from people just like you” on billoreilly.com for a small membership fee of $49.95. Fortunately, you don’t need the membership fee to access his merchandise, which includes a framed copy of the Declaration of Independence and a “We say ‘Merry Christmas’” doormat.

In the meantime, O’Reilly will continue to reach his audience via podcast. Without him, who else would remind Beyoncé that she’s responsible for unwanted pregnancies in minority communities? We need that reasonable voice in American news. You can watch a clip of O’Reilly’s calm, cool demeanor that is so deeply missed below.