The Best and Funniest Tweets About Howard Schultz’s Disastrous 2020 Presidential Ambitions
Photo by Stephen Brashear/Getty Politics Features Howard Schultz
On Sunday, former Starbucks CEO and current billionaire Howard Schultz announced that he might run for president. And you know what? People hated it! A lot!
Schultz appeared on 60 Minutes, he did an interview with the New York Times, and he spread the word himself on Twitter:
I love our country, and I am seriously considering running for president as a centrist independent.
— Howard Schultz (@HowardSchultz) January 28, 2019
The big idea behind the run, as he told the Times, is this:
“Republicans and Democrats alike — who no longer see themselves as part of the far extreme of the far right and the far left — are looking for a home.”
That, of course, is a misguided and terrible idea—centrism as an American ideology has basically been eradicated outside of a handful of pundits, and his run might actually serve to help Trump get elected if it has any measurable effect at all. Which is doubtful. In any case, Schultz would have done well to stay off Twitter, where he got ratio’ed to hell and back and was the victim of a unified pile-on the likes of which we haven’t seen in some time. The tweets below are the best of the bunch—some are funny, some are smart, some are just stupid-funny Starbucks puns. In sum, they epitomize the broad backlash to the very idea of Schultz mounting a spoiler campaign. Enjoy!
For all this said, it’s unbelievably arrogant for Howard Schultz to think that “Howard Schultz, as an independent, on a platform of deficit reduction, for president” is the answer to any question that anybody has ever asked about anything. https://t.co/DpqqQIUpYn
— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) January 28, 2019
I’m an American political historian and I can assure you that the only thing you’ll accomplish by running for president as a centrist independent is helping re-elect Donald Trump.
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) January 28, 2019
congrats to the Starbucks guy for briefly bringing leftists and establishment Dems together to say fuck off
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 28, 2019
Howard Schultz will be like Chris Cillizza in that he’ll unite Bernie stans and the #stillwithher crowd in mass Twitter dunking. A time of intermittent peace that’ll make twitter non-toxic a couple hours a wk for the next 16 months. Hes preforming a real service is what Im saying
— Adam H. Johnson (@adamjohnsonNYC) January 27, 2019
The Venn diagram of “People Who Think Howard Schultz Should Be President” and “Howard Schultz” is a circle.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) January 28, 2019
— KT Nelson (@KrangTNelson) January 28, 2019
One problem is the belief that the best way to improve the country is if I’m put in charge of governing it. Not a program, a team, a party organized around some set of principles, a record of public service, some trail of what changes & policies I think are needed—no, simply me. https://t.co/Lqcu6N0eo8
— Taniel (@Taniel) January 28, 2019
just take all the shithead billionaire centrists like Schultz and Bloomberg and put them in a big locked empty room somewhere and tell them they’re running for president. you can paint excited supporters on the wall and pipe in cheers from a blue man group show or something
— KT Nelson (@KrangTNelson) January 28, 2019
If this is Howard Schultz dipping his toe (or whole leg) in the water for a presidential run, that water seems to be boiling with anger.
— Dan Rather (@DanRather) January 28, 2019
For all this said, it’s unbelievably arrogant for Howard Schultz to think that “Howard Schultz, as an independent, on a platform of deficit reduction, for president” is the answer to any question that anybody has ever asked about anything. https://t.co/DpqqQIUpYn
— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) January 28, 2019
REPUBLICANS: concentration camps for children
DEMOCRATS: no concentration camps
HOWARD SCHULTZ: concentration camps for preteens https://t.co/KxCi6USrpU— The Give Smart Guy (@BobbyBigWheel) January 28, 2019
Sweet launch, Howard Schultz. pic.twitter.com/TNfDJaN3×2
— Schooley (@Rschooley) January 28, 2019
Literally just get up tomorrow morning and match Bill Gates contributions to vaccines and you’ll do more for the world than this entire vanity project.
— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) January 28, 2019
Funniest part of Howard Schultz interview: “Not only will I be on the ballot on all 50 states, I will be on the ballot in every county and every district.” Yeah, my man, you only get on the ballot in states.
— Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) January 28, 2019
Howard Schultz, a man who cannot be trusted with the fate of the Seattle Sonics cannot be trusted with the fate of the American people
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) January 28, 2019
Howard Schultz’s announcement tweet is going over about as well as his decision to sell the Sonics to guys he definitely knew were going to move the team to Oklahoma City.
— Reid Wilson (@PoliticsReid) January 28, 2019
howard schultz better not run or he’s gonna get “roasted”!
— Elizabeth Bruenig (@ebruenig) January 28, 2019
Howard Schultz is so excited to tell us what we can’t afford
— Rachel Cohen (@rmc031) January 28, 2019
Howard Schultz, who just said he spends a lot of time worrying about U.S. poverty, on health care:
“What the Democrats are proposing is something that is as false as the wall. And that is free health care for all, which the country cannot afford.”
— maxwell (@maxwellstrachan) January 28, 2019
Howard Schultz has already shown he shouldn’t be president by thinking there’s such a thing as a centrist. American politics is divided into those who believe in Trumpism and those who believe in basic human decency. There is no center.
— Jared Yates Sexton (@JYSexton) January 28, 2019
The kicker of the NYT interview w Schultz is kind of telling. He just takes for granted that “a far-left progressive Democrat” would lose to Trump. In reality, in every trial heat, Trump loses to Bernie Sanders; in most, he loses to Elizabeth Warren. pic.twitter.com/r8BvIeY5hC
— Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) January 28, 2019
Mr. Schultz, I speak for millions of Americans when I say hell to the no on this and I swear to God if you go through with this I will never drink Starbucks again.
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) January 27, 2019
Howard Schultz and John Delaney both represent the problem of self-funding campaigns. If you’re wealthy enough, you can always find consultants willing to take your money and tell you’re (a) smart and (b) have a chance. Political gravity is suspended as long as the checks clear. https://t.co/LH5uFOP682
— Garrett M. Graff (@vermontgmg) January 27, 2019
i like how people are like “don’t run, howard schultz! you’ll split the vote because democrats will vote for you! democrats will choose to vote for you! i’m concerned that democrats will choose of their own accord to vote for you, the billionaire starbucks guy centrist!”
— Just The Best Tweets (@bombsfall) January 28, 2019
Howard Schultz’s base is people who don’t know who he is
— netw3rk (@netw3rk) January 27, 2019
Howard Schultz’s base is People Who Are Very On LinkedIn
— The Give Smart Guy (@BobbyBigWheel) January 27, 2019
Before you say, “He seems more intelligent than Trump,” remember that Trump figured out that to become president, you need to win a major party’s nomination. This guy hasn’t. https://t.co/8wNIC9SbxE
— Seth Masket (@smotus) January 27, 2019
Schultz would just open up too many campaign offices, some right across the street from one another.
— The Shoe (@theshoetoo) January 28, 2019
I have no interest in what the American media thinks about Starbucks founder Howard Schultz running for president. Let’s hear from the… wait for it…
French press— cuppycup (@cuppycup) January 28, 2019
No, YOU talk to him. We’re not related.
— Connie Schultz (@ConnieSchultz) January 28, 2019