Well, I Guess We’re Doing This: Read Stormy Daniels’ Description of Trump’s Penis

Stormy Daniels is writing a memoir, the Guardian has new details, and honestly, do you want to slog through more background that you already know, or do you just want to get right to the penis description?

Penis description, right?

Scene: Stormy Daniels and Trump are at the same celebrity golf tournament. Take it away, Guardian:

There she first sees Trump: “He had a red cap, a Trump crest as a placeholder for the MAGA slogan not one of us could see coming.”

Trump’s bodyguard invites Daniels to dinner, which turns out to be an invitation to Trump’s penthouse, she writes, in a description of alleged events that Daniels has disclosed previously but which in the book are rendered with new and lurid detail. She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…

“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

This has been: A description of Donald Trump’s penis. Thank you for reading.