5 Things to Take Care of Before Seeing Evil Dead to Feel Okay About Returning Home

With Fede Alvarez’s remake of Evil Dead hitting theaters today, you’ve probably already heard plenty about the new take on Sam Raimi’s 1981 cult classic. Maybe first you heard about the trailer, which is admittedly horrifying for anyone who has a tongue or is startled by the thought of demonic possession. It’s brutal to watch—a pretty good indication of what follows when the theater lights dim.

The fact is, Alvarez’s interpretation of the original isn’t note-for-note. The director subs Bruce Campbell and company’s goofy humor for heaping servings of nail-gun, chainsaw, scalding water, glass and hammer-induced blood ’n’ guts. He’s creating an experience that will satisfy series fanatics and maybe send their significant others screaming for the door.

But for those who are on edge about seeing the film, fear not. We’ve compiled this simple checklist to ensure you can return home with ease. Although we have seen the movie and are discussing a few things that occur in the film, we’ve tried to leave out any outright spoilers. But do proceed with caution if you’re trying to avoid anything of that nature. Here are five things you should probably do if you want to have a peaceful evening following Evil Dead. While you’re at it, check out our feature on lead actress Jane Levy over in this week’s issue of PASTE.COM.

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5. Double Check Your Basement
When was the last time you were in your basement? Have you cleaned it out lately to avoid any surprises? Have you finally given away those human skin-bound books you haven’t been reading for decades? Are you positive someone hasn’t been ritually sacrificing cats down there? This is important stuff, people!

4. Test Your Water Heater
Although it’s not something you’d worry about on a day-to-day basis, you’re going to want to go down to the ol’ water heater and make sure its heat output isn’t above average. Not to go into too much detail on the film, but the lead undead character’s face gets disfigured in a way that will make you think twice about how you’re getting clean. Really, just put your shower on max blast to leave no doubt in your mind that you’re not stepping into something that will sear your skin.

3. Secure Your Power Tools
Although this definitely isn’t a frame-for-frame remake of the original film, one thread that it shares with the original Evil Dead is the generous use of power tools for both the good and bad. Take your electric carving knives, your chainsaws and your nail guns and put them in proximity, but make sure they’re also hidden away from the possessed.

2. Eat a Light Meal, But Not Too Light, But Definitely Not Too Heavy. Maybe Enjoy a Ginger Ale.
One of the main differences between the original Evil Dead and the remake is the marked absence of slapstick humor that’s unintentionally slathered all over the 1981 version. In the ‘80s, we cringe/laugh at the goo emerging from the cursed, but in 2013, we get so much excess, realistic guts and gore that you’re not really surprised when it literally starts raining blood in the climax. In the final blood-drenched scene, the faint-of-heart will rest assured knowing they had a square meal, but the squeamish, weak-of-stomachs will regret that extra handful of popcorn.

1. Get Your Yard Work Out of the Way
Any fans of the original Evil Dead already know what I’m getting at here, and they’ll know how important it is to clear out any loose shrubbery that could penetrate your deepest fears. Possessed greenery is one of the stepping-stones to the unfortunate situation the friends in Evil Dead found themselves in, so it’s important for your own sanity to not brush with any twigs or branches or leaves on your way into your home.