On New Girl, the only truly sustained “relationship” has been between Schmidt and Cece, a barely-friends-with-benefits understanding that has been hidden from everyone. But since last week’s episode involved Winston finding out about this pair, we knew it wouldn’t take long for the entire apartment to find out and quickly be surprised and disgusted by the duo. In fact everyone in the group finds out about the unholy alliance before the first commercial, thanks to Nick’s fear of secrets. In the appropriately titled “Secrets,” the group starts to learn the secrets within each other that they kind of wish would have remained withheld.
Besides the secret of Cece-Schmidt that causes a rift between Cece and Jess, Nick is also trying to keep two of his own relationships secret. Since Nick has started to embrace his inner 21-year-old, he has started seeing two different girls younger than him. Nick’s too nice to keep up this charade, so he needs someone with more experience. Oh glory be! Who could that be but resident douchebag Schmidt? The man has refined the ways of sneaking around through years of experience and trial and error. With Schmidt as the woman, Nick goes to Schmidt’s classroom in what Winston claims is “one of the weirder things we’ve done.”
By the middle of “Secrets,” everyone knows way too much about each other. Jess now knows that all the guys have, um, self-completed, thinking about her, Winston knows that Schmidt thinks that he is going to go “full Poppins” and become a life-long nanny, Nick’s two girls find out about each other and we the audience know now that Cece has done some unusual sexual things with puppeteer Kevin Clash, because his hand has been inside Elmo.
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