Late Night Last Week: John Mulaney Loses Fight to Teens, as Oliver and Fielder Look to the Skies
Late Night Last Week highlights some of the best late night TV from the previous week. In this week’s late night TV recap, John Mulaney gets his ass kicked by three teenagers, Nathan Fielder wants you to take him seriously, and John Oliver tackles the need to support air traffic controllers.
On May 28, the fight to end all fights occurred. It began weeks ago, on the eighth episode of Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney. A man (John Mulaney) wondered aloud whether he, at the estimable age of 42, could defeat three teenagers in a bout. It was a fight to the death Mulaney, made clear—at least “reputationally speaking.”
The bit stretched across weeks. We watched as Mulaney and his writing staff considered the fight from every angle: legal, comical, and physical considerations were all made. There was a trial test, during which a group of stunt women ambushed Mulaney as he made his way to the studio. It seemed that Mulaney may never be ready for this task.
Last Wednesday, America—and, indeed, the entire world—held its breath as Mulaney, in the season finale of his program, squared off against three 14-year-old boys. Announcer Richard Kind informed the audience both at home and in the studio that the trio weighed 477 pounds and stood at a “terrifying” 16’ 9” tall. Together, their age equaled that of their opponent.
After removing their jewelry, the four combatants were ready to enter the ring. The rules were simple: no punching, kicking, biting, or gouging of any kind. No eyes. And, for one of the combatants, their mother insisted: no swearing. Adam Sandler, one of the guests for the evening, was standing ringside, smiling. If Mulaney could just get one of his opponents to tap out, he would win.
The two rivals—man and boys—stood in opposing corners and waited for the referee’s whistle. When the fight began Mulaney came out strong, seeming to disorient one of the boys with a shove, until another quickly grabbed his leg. The middle-aged man pushed the boy away but never seemed to recover his balance. As one teen held Mulaney around the waste, the others got to work, trying to bring him down through an awkward onslaught of untrained grappling.
The trio of boys began to coordinate, one hooking himself around Mulaney’s leg as the others kept at it. But somehow, the talk show host broke free. It seemed for a moment he was about to gain the upper hand.
But the fight only grew more intense. The boys had been learning, as boys do. They once more went for Mulaney’s leg, this time not just grabbing it, but attempting to hoist him into the air. With the grace of a Marx brother, Mulaney hit the floor with a thud—a massive smile on his pained face.
By then, it was all but over. The boys jumped on the man, pinning him to the floor. He tried to rise again, but it was too late.
In just 47 seconds, John Mulaney got his ass kicked by three teens. But in that time, he may just have revived the glory of the late night bit—a tradition long forgotten across many contemporary programs—for a new generation. And for that, he is a champion.