9 Ways to Celebrate Your Crippling Loneliness This Holiday Season

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9 Ways to Celebrate Your Crippling Loneliness This Holiday Season

As another year winds down and the snow starts to fall, we all find reasons to celebrate. In our places of worship, at our work, in our homes, and wherever else one might find a reason to be thankful, people will once again come together this holiday season and enjoy the warm embrace of their friends, family, and significant others, coming together in fellowship and merriment.

Well, except you.

But hey buddy, that’s okay, too! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or the fact that you don’t have anyone to share the holiday cheer with! You are a strong, independent person who doesn’t need those cookie-cutter ideas such as “love” or “compassion”. So what if you just moved to a new city, or all your friends have already made plans, heck, maybe you don’t even have friends? That’s okay, too! Who needs ‘em, amiright!? There are plenty of ways to have wintertime fun all by your lonesome, without anyone else, all alone. Here are nine of the absolute coolest picks, so take note and take some time to celebrate!

9. Have a Snow ball fight with a tennis ball launcher

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Not enough people to split up into teams? Don’t have any people at all? No problem! With a little from a friend, you can have all the fun you want, with an opponent who will never slow down, tire out, or complain about you “saying weird stuff all the time”. And besides, a tennis ball launcher is way cooler than human. When else would you get to caligraph a sick brag in your journal about how you heroically did battle with a robot, all on your own, without any help from anybody else?

8. Make two snow angels, holding hands, having fun

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Snow angels are a quick way to have fun in the snow. Just plop down and do a horizontal jumping jack. But why stop there? Why not communicate to the next person that walks past just how much fun they are by making a second one? And look, they’re holding hands. And if you make ‘em right, maybe the angels will kinda look like they’re smiling. Presumably because of each other. Maybe they weren’t foolish enough to throw the one good relationship in their lives due to the cruel naivety of youth. Maybe they still have hope about this crazy mixed up world. Maybe, for them, there is still time. Ideally, this narrative will warm the heart of the passersby and, more urgently, yours.

7. Ice skate close to people so strangers will assume you’re part of the group

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Don’t ever feel intimidated by the idea that ice skating is a “group activity.” Anything can be done by yourself if you try hard enough. The social stigma of being the one person out on the ice, aimlessly drifting in the wrong direction while quoting dialogue from the T.V. show Farscape, can be tough sometimes. Something you can do to combat this is find some laughing, smiling people, preferably four or five, and glide just a few feet behind them; far enough away for them not to get suspicious, but close enough so that other people will just naturally lump you in with the gang.

6. Make your own guest list for your holiday meal

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Has this ever happened to you? You slave over a hot microwave, heating up nearly a dozen different lean cuisines for that big holiday party you invited everyone you know to, and literally none of them show up! Not even your cats, Daniel Day-Mewis and Christina Aguill-Hair-a! Ugh!

Have no fear though, there’s an easy solution to all those empty spots at your table. Just grab a couple of your body pillows, dress them up in some formal wear for the occasion, and put a youtube clip of people chatting on loop, and suddenly your drab meal has turned into a fab feast!

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