Unfortunately, it’s looking like this male romper thing is here to stay. While the OG male romper—the RompHim—has already managed to rake in an absurd $250,000 in pre-sales for their wildly successful Kickstarter after a mere four days, they’ve suddenly found they’re not alone. And in male rompers, everyone can hear you scream.
Reebok has announced their version of the male romper, which is named the ReeRomper because, at this point, why the hell not? Reebok sees the ReeRomper as a sporty alternative to the frattier RompHim. The athletic leisure—which Reebok touts as “100% Bro”—promises to “keep you cool in more ways than one.” Presumably they’re referring to not only to a bro’s ability to withstand humid temperatures, but also the relative coolness of their corpse after they die from overwhelming shame.
Whereas RompHim envisions its wearers lounging around a poolside bar somewhere, ReeRomper wants us to “combine the benefits of an active life and effortless style.” Apparently, Reebok believes purchasers will feel just as comfortable hitting the town as they would be hitting the local Gold’s Gym. Whether the ReeRomper will hold up during an intense squatting session with the bros remains to be seen.
Outside the weight room, Reebok suggests accenting the romper “with a clean pair of kicks like the Reebok Classic Leather, a pair of cool sunglasses or a hat to top off the outfit.” You know. Just any hat. Preferably a big-ass sombrero. Anything to distract from the single article of clothing stretched taut across your supple, young body.
It’s clear from the company’s hand-drawn promotional material that the product in question doesn’t actually exist yet, and they’re merely rushing to assert themselves in the douchiest of fashion markets. That said, the ReeRomp retails for a scant $89 compared to the RompHim’s $119. ReeRomp owners will also be able to slide into their onesie much sooner, too, with a mid-June release date compared to RompHim’s July or August expected delivery. This highlights the problem with creating a successful Kickstarter that forces you to sit on your hands for 30 days, allowing big corporate competitors a window to beat you to market. Of course, even the designers of the RompHim probably didn’t expect this many bros to be so flippant with their image.
May God have mercy on our souls.