If you missed it this morning, Donald Trump further debased himself, this time in front of foreign dignitaries and religious leaders at the National Prayer Breakfast when he said
We had tremendous success on The Apprentice, and when I ran for president, I had to leave the show—that’s when I for sure knew I was doing it—and they hired a big big movie star, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to take my place. And we know how that turned out. The ratings went right down the tubes. It’s been a total disaster, and Mark [Burnett] will never ever bet against Trump again. And I want to just pray for Arnold if we can for those ratings.
Ladies, show of hands: if a man talked about the largesse of his manhood as much as Donald Trump talks about his “tremendous tremendous” ratings, how many of you would believe him? Hell, how many of you would think he had any self-confidence whatsoever? This is all so embarrassing on so many different levels. Thankfully, we have the Terminator/man who royally screwed up California on our side.
Schwarzenegger released a quick video responding to the Donald’s pettiness with an offer that a lot of people would probably take at this point.
I would exchange this white nationalist nightmare in a heartbeat for a tenure that Steve Lopez of the Los Angeles Times described as such
So Schwarzenegger went from sexual harassment allegations as he entered office to a sex scandal on his way out of office. There’s a neat symmetry to it all, especially when you consider that while he was governor, all of California got screwed.
The man who was against borrowing broke borrowing records.
The man who said he didn’t need to raise campaign donations raised more than anyone.
The man who replaced a governor with a 22% popularity rating ended up matching that all-time low.
The man who promised to balance the budget left office with record deficits.
Given that our current president is basically a toddler with a loaded handgun providing cover for every bigot in the world, Arnold’s tenure in California sounds like paradise by comparison. At least we know he wouldn’t stir up shit with Australia.
The President of the United States of America did these three things (among many others) in the past 24 freaking hours:
Hung up on the Prime Minister of Australia.
Turned off the recording of his phone call with Vladimir Putin.
3. Half-joked to some of the most respected diplomats and religious leaders on Earth to pray for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s The Apprentice ratings.
Seriously Donald, take the offer. You get to go out (relatively) on top, saying you won an election, while making Arnold deal with the gigantic mess you have somehow already created. And let’s be honest—you hate Arnold. That chair is yours. That chair is why you’re sitting in your current seat. Even though you like the power you possess, you love the image Arnold’s seat imbued you with. And now he has it. Even though it’s not his. It’s yours. Now you have to do things. Take your chair back Donald. Even Arnold says it’s yours.
George W. Bush’s entire presidency makes him look like George Washington in proportion to what your first 13 days have previewed. Barack Obama has killed more innocent women and children than the vast majority of humans in all of history, yet he comes off as Mahatma Gandhi while standing next to you. This will not end well for any of us. Your true calling is being the joyful idiot killing an hour of our Thursday nights, not the Kremlin’s useful idiot destroying the 21st century.
Jacob Weindling is Paste’s business and media editor, as well as a staff writer for politics. Follow him on Twitter at @Jakeweindling.