The Funniest Vice Presidential Debate Tweets
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Uhhhhh yeah I’m not gonna lie: I didn’t watch too much of the vice presidential debate tonight. I was watching something that was far smarter, more empathetic, and more respectful of its audience: professional wrestling. Tonight All Elite Wrestling celebrated Chris Jericho’s 30 years as a pro wrestler with one hell of a show, including the first major dog collar match since Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine went at it back at Starrcade ‘83. It was a great show.
I gather the debate wasn’t that great, unless you like making jokes about flies. Harris and Pence went at each other in the expected way—one side with facts and precision, the other with distractions and prevarications. I’m not going to get any more specific than that yet, because I need you to stay on this page just a little bit longer for economic purposes. It’s like when cops try to keep the bad guy on the line long enough to trace the phone line, only with ad impressions.
As disgusting, despicable, and dispiriting as every single last thing connected to politics is these days, there’s still room to tell some damn jokes. And that’s what people did during tonight’s debate. They told jokes—and by “told” I mean “typed them into their phones.” Here are the funniest tweets about tonight’s VP debate between Kamala Harris and Mike Pence, and no, not all of them are about that fly. Only, like, 80% of ‘em.
Almost time to watch an hour of Mike Pence slap on a sad smile while ruefully shaking his head in denial at terrible things that are absolutely true
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) October 8, 2020
Have fun screaming about that fake fight on tv while us cool guys watch wrestling.
— mike mulloy (@fakemikemulloy) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence has one big question to answer tonight, and it’s “what the fuck, asshole?”
— Johnny “The Crypt Renter” McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) October 8, 2020
Honestly, all Kamala Harris has to do is kneel during the national anthem and Mike Pence will walk out.
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) October 8, 2020
If pro wrestling has taught me anything it’s that Kamala is putting Pence through that plexiglass. https://t.co/sFBT3LjJd4
— Funch (@RonFunches) October 8, 2020
I really think the vice presidential nominees should have a better plastic barrier than the guy selling cigarettes at the bodega
— Aaron (@BobbyBigWheel) October 8, 2020
Oh wait, I’m sober. Goddamit. Back in a second. #VPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence’s favorite part of the Bible is the passage that allows lying if it’s to advance your own career at the expense of everything you pretend to stand for
— Kevin McCaffrey (@KevinMcCaff) October 8, 2020
Do I have to watch, or can I just weep quietly in a dim corner like usual
— donni saphire (@donni) October 8, 2020
I’ll give him this: You could barely hear Mike Pence’s chastity belt jingling as he walked out
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 8, 2020
Thinking about tweeting “wow” tonight and going megaviral.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) October 8, 2020
Bold move to try and win a debate by having pinkeye.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 8, 2020
So Pence’s plan is to sound confident while not answering any actual questions.
— Miles Kahn (@mileskahn) October 8, 2020
Pence is bullshitting so much I wonder if I ever dated him.
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) October 8, 2020
The. Head. Of. The. Coronavirus. Task. Force. Is. Debating. Half. A. Year. Later. Through. Two. Layers. Of. Plexiglass.
— Jordan Klepper (@jordanklepper) October 8, 2020
pence’s wife is named karen because that’s his manager
— Rachel Wolfson (@wolfiecomedy) October 8, 2020
Looks like Mike Pence has locked up the white suburban mortician vote.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 8, 2020
I think he can’t hear her through the plexiglass. He keeps responding to things she didn’t say. Poor man!
— Andy Daly (@TVsAndyDaly) October 8, 2020
if you dont have to watch this for work, please tab out now. you can text me later and i’ll tell you that you should be mad about many things.
— Brock Wilbur (@brockwilbur) October 8, 2020
Sure Page is asking Pence questions that he’s simply ignoring but to be fair she is a woman.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) October 8, 2020
VP debates are inherently weird because VPs are appointed. I want them to keep going down the line with cabinet debates. Two potential Secretaries of the Interior just fuckin going at it.
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) October 8, 2020
She looks fucking presidential. He looks like he uses the n-word. #VPDebate
— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) October 8, 2020
The calming, old-fashioned emptiness of Mike Pence. Like sitting on the porch in summertime, sipping a tall glass of lemonade that tells the secondhand lies of a morally bankrupt goon
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) October 8, 2020
I personally love that either of our presidents come January will be mostly dead.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) October 8, 2020
“Stop playing politics with people’s lives. Also, my boss thinks you’re a pussy for wearing a mask.” #VPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence is like if you baptized a jar of mayonnaise #VPDebate
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) October 8, 2020
Harris is pursuing a risky but potentially devastating debate strategy here (trick Pence into saying his own name backwards, turning him back into a doll)
— Ambooent 1: Music For Scareports (@pixelatedboat) October 8, 2020
The vice president is clearly capable of memorizing much longer monologues of bullshit than the president. #VPDebate
— Johnny “The Crypt Renter” McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) October 8, 2020
…Did anybody get this email during the debate? pic.twitter.com/RedxLd8xXA
— Amir (@blumenfeld) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence has never been around so many women in his life.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 8, 2020
Why does #pence look like the stonks guy? #Debates2020pic.twitter.com/VMO7O618Mm
— Tentin Quarantino (@threefourteen) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence’s left eye is the only thing he’s ever made wet
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) October 8, 2020
wtf??? #VPDebatepic.twitter.com/5UUWtRUIyS
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) October 8, 2020
Susan, Thank You. I’m going to ignore your question in a very calm voice.
— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) October 8, 2020
did mike pence always just wake up
— Allen Strickland Williams (@TotallyAllen) October 8, 2020
This is a delightful exercise so far in calm, cool talking in circles to avoid actually answering questions, as the Founders intended
— Hayes Brown (@HayesBrown) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence answers debate questions like I tell jokes — a long boring windup and then you forget the punchline
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) October 8, 2020
mike pence: i would like to go back
moderator: we’ve moved onto a new ques-
mike pence: i would like to go back to 1843
— nate of the living dead (@MNateShyamalan) October 8, 2020
Kamala Harris got that smile you have when you actually studied for the test
— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence has never let a woman finish before, he doesn’t know how to do it
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) October 8, 2020
Undecided voters are just white people who wanna be on tv.
— Jay Jurden, Mutant Rights Activist (@JayJurden) October 8, 2020
.@ fly would you be interested in an interview on my Instagram live? you’d be an iconic guest pic.twitter.com/XgXb76L124
— ziwe (@ziwe) October 8, 2020
“He had bugs on him.” – Kamala’s closing statement
— Brooks Wheelan (@brookswheelan) October 8, 2020
If you’re going to submit something about the fly, send it by tomorrow morning. The fly will be on all the talk shows tomorrow and by the end of the day it will have reached its life expectancy and died, and no one will want to read a humor piece about our fallen American hero.
— Christopher Monks (@crmonks) October 8, 2020
can’t watch the debate (busy fracking) but i hope at least one of the candidates is standing up for the average american’s interests (fracking)
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) October 8, 2020
soon all of the flies will leak out of the skin suit
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) October 8, 2020
All jokes aside, I’m intrigued by the lying pinkeye guy who the fly landed on.
— Jordan Klepper (@jordanklepper) October 8, 2020
The fly is already charging $500 on Cameo 🙁
— Matt Goldich (@MattGoldich) October 8, 2020
the fly brought me more joy than getting engaged and pregnant this year goodnight
— farah brook (@farahbrook) October 8, 2020
fly’s wife: where the fuck have u been
fly: honey i can explain. i got stuck—
fly’s wife: u promised ur son u would help him study for his math test
fly: i got stuck on the vice president’s head
fly’s wife: u are a goddamn LIAR. and ur son went to sleep with TEARS IN HIS EYES
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 8, 2020
Would mute the word “fly” but I am the webmaster of a Sugar Ray fansite and that would really impede my work
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) October 8, 2020
Well I don’t think there can be any debate that the most interesting thing we all witnessed tonight, was the scientific proof that flies are attracted to shit.
— Facts Do Matter (@WilDonnelly) October 8, 2020
Pence won’t even carry his answers to term.
— Robin Thede (@robinthede) October 8, 2020
lorne when he saw the fly pic.twitter.com/KrPUOjT5td
— Travis Helwig (@travishelwig) October 8, 2020
If you didn’t come up with a good fly tweet there’s still time to come up with a good backlash to the fly tweets tweet
— Ambooent 1: Music For Scareports (@pixelatedboat) October 8, 2020