Good news, Royal Wedding fans: we fought back our overpowering natural urge of “JESUS CHRIST WHO GIVES A SHIT” just long enough to embed a bunch of tweets into Movable Type and then hit the publish button. (Just the way Horace Greeley would’ve done it.)
Today Meghan Markle, American star of Hallmark Channel Original Move Dater’s Handbook, married England’s Prince Harry, the one who wore that Nazi armband that time. It’s a tale as old as time: the inbred grandson of an unjustifiably rich figurehead falls in love with a simple, small-town, basic cable TV star from Los Angeles, and whisks her away to a quaint island kingdom to live as a weird, irresponsible relic from the literal Dark Ages. It’s the stuff the kind of movies Markle would star in are made of, and rest assured your parents will be watching dozens of those based on this very day on Lifetime and Hallmark and We TV in the very near future.
You know this celebrity wedding in another country is important because it’s all anybody on American TV is talking about less than one day after another school shooting.
Highlights from the wedding included celebrities and cameras and TV people and food. Bishop Michael Curry, the first African-American to become the head of the Episcopal Church, gave a legitimately good sermon that we won’t even try to make fun of. Idris Elba and Oprah were there. They did not have a moment of silence for Mark E. Smith, but it would have probably resulted in some great Mark E. Smith lyrics if he was still around.
It also inspired some pretty good tweets, ones totally worth waking up a little bit earlier than expected on a Saturday morning to embed into our CMS. This is part of my job at Paste Magazine, a website. I like to think I’m pretty good at it.