The Funniest Tweets about the Royal Wedding

Good news, Royal Wedding fans: we fought back our overpowering natural urge of “JESUS CHRIST WHO GIVES A SHIT” just long enough to embed a bunch of tweets into Movable Type and then hit the publish button. (Just the way Horace Greeley would’ve done it.)

Today Meghan Markle, American star of Hallmark Channel Original Move Dater’s Handbook, married England’s Prince Harry, the one who wore that Nazi armband that time. It’s a tale as old as time: the inbred grandson of an unjustifiably rich figurehead falls in love with a simple, small-town, basic cable TV star from Los Angeles, and whisks her away to a quaint island kingdom to live as a weird, irresponsible relic from the literal Dark Ages. It’s the stuff the kind of movies Markle would star in are made of, and rest assured your parents will be watching dozens of those based on this very day on Lifetime and Hallmark and We TV in the very near future.

You know this celebrity wedding in another country is important because it’s all anybody on American TV is talking about less than one day after another school shooting.

Highlights from the wedding included celebrities and cameras and TV people and food. Bishop Michael Curry, the first African-American to become the head of the Episcopal Church, gave a legitimately good sermon that we won’t even try to make fun of. Idris Elba and Oprah were there. They did not have a moment of silence for Mark E. Smith, but it would have probably resulted in some great Mark E. Smith lyrics if he was still around.

It also inspired some pretty good tweets, ones totally worth waking up a little bit earlier than expected on a Saturday morning to embed into our CMS. This is part of my job at Paste Magazine, a website. I like to think I’m pretty good at it.

I think the reason most people are so drawn to the royal wedding is that it’s a reminder that if you’re an unbelievably good looking woman someday you may meet a legacy billionaire full of recessive traits

— A Jazzy 1973 Eyes Of The World (@mattytalks) May 18, 2018

just saying ¯(?)/¯ pic.twitter.com/1zoOGFKeU3

— BBC Three (@bbcthree) May 19, 2018

All this fanfare, all this beauty. But what of little Toby, secret deformed brother of Harry and William, watching the wedding alone, peering out from the dizzying eaves of St. George’s Chapel, his yellow eyes flashing! Is he not a Prince!?!? #RoyalWedding#Toby

— jon (@jondaly) May 19, 2018

just got a sneak preview of what they’ll be serving at the royal wedding… honestly I’m a little surprised pic.twitter.com/K9EpfRg3k6

— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) May 18, 2018

only royal wedding I care about pic.twitter.com/gLPL4Qr60E

— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) May 18, 2018

Megyn Kelly kicked off America’s royal wedding coverage today by discussing how many people would have to die for Meghan Markle to become queen. And I cannot for the life of me figure out why the rest of the world thinks us Americans are a bunch of weird violent crazy people.

— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) May 18, 2018

I know the fashion must look strange to American eyes but you have to admire the majesty and ceremony of these British traditions #RoyalWeddingpic.twitter.com/IeR8d8FPnk

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) May 19, 2018

I’ve got a bad feeling about this#RoyalWeddingpic.twitter.com/QBEnMlcdh7

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 19, 2018

normal people: wow the Royal Wedding is magic, Meghan Markle’s dress is so beautiful
me: how is Meghan not stress-puking right now? is she okay

— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) May 19, 2018

My goal is to try and sleep through the 3 different alarms my wife has set for 4:00am so she can watch the royal wedding

— andy lassner (@andylassner) May 19, 2018

“I’m waking up to watch the royal wedding” -Psychopath

— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) May 19, 2018