Congratulations, everybody: Saturday Night Live’s 42nd season is officially in the books.
There were groundbreaking highs, cringeworthy lows and those are just my thoughts on the commercial breaks! Our Lorne and savior came through once again, bringing some of the brightest comedic performers and writers to our living rooms for 21 non-consecutive weeks.
Just like the New England Patriots the day after the Super Bowl, though, there’s only so long Lorne & Co. can bask in the accomplishments of another season well done before getting back to work. SNL’s main objective this summer will involve replacing the beloved Bobby Moynihan, indispensable Vanessa Bayer and underutilized Sasheer Zamata.
Luckily, there’s plenty of fish in the comedy sea and we have no doubt the Lorne-and-only executive producer of SNL will find only the best replacements. We’re putting our bets in now, so don’t be surprised if you see some of these young hotshots coming to you LIVE from 30 Rock next season:
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Forrest Karp
The New York-based Forrest Karp seems like a prime candidate to join the Not Ready For Primetime Players. A long time “funny guy” in his role as a financial analyst at Morgan Stanley, Karp finally took the plunge and signed up for a UCB 101 improv class. Despite missing one-too-many classes to successfully graduate to 201, Forrest definitely learned enough to make the cut! His impression of Sue the Hot Intern, willingness to do blackface and violent cocaine addiction make him a near lock for 30 Rock.
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Old Man Jenkins
SNL tends to skew younger when hiring new cast members, but when you’ve got a talent as undeniable as Old Man Jenkins, age shouldn’t matter. A retired postal worker, Old Man Jenkins enrolled at Groundlings after his wife of 38 years passed away and he needed a hobby to fill his days. Jenkins quickly rose through the ranks of the program, becoming the oldest main cast member since Adolf Wertzler in 1929. His biting yet relevant-as-ever impressions of Clark Gable, Benny Goodman and pre-wheelchair FDR set him apart from everyone else in the biz!
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Slappy the Clown
Over a decade on the grueling greater Los Angeles-area children’s birthday party circuit molded Slappy the Clown into the rock solid performer he is today. His workhorse approach to clowning around made Slappy into one of the most beloved performers from Laguna Beach up to South Fresno. His local flavor and particular set of chops would add a wackiness we haven’t seen since Dennis Miller graced the “Weekend Update” desk. Plus, with a new “IT” movie coming out this summer, the cast is in desperate need of someone who can play a convincing Pennywise the Clown.
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Clone-in Jost
Clone-in Jost, a genetically engineered Colin Jost clone, would be a fantastic grab for SNL. Rumors are already swirling that Lorne wants to replace Michael Che on the Weekend Update desk with this feat of modern DNA-centric engineering and snark. While naysayers point to issues with previous genetically modified cast members (ahem, remember Jon Lovitz?), we think Clone-in would make a worthwhile addition.
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A Used, Damp Gym Towel
Sure, SNL might already have plenty handsome white male comedians on their cast, but A Used, Damp Gym Towel is just too perfect to pass over. Just consider A Used, Damp Gym Towel’s extensive comedy background: Harvard Lampoon, UCB Harold team, Groundlings main cast, Second City touring group, Just For Laughs new face, famous parents, etc. Plus, A Used, Damp Gym Towel has a wheelhouse of unique impressions including: Matthew McConaughey, Borat, Woody Allen and Donald Trump. He may not fill the “diversity quota,” but A Used, Damp Gym Towel has the star quality that makes SNL, well, SNL!
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Lorne Michaels
Why not just add Lorne to the main cast already?! The comedy-producing icon nails every cameo he makes, so it makes sense. If that isn’t enough, we’ve heard on pretty good authority that Lorne Michaels has taken a strong liking to himself. And, hey, don’t you think he deserves a big break after all these years behind the scenes?
Harris Mayersohn does not work for NBC. Follow him at @harrismayer and check out Just A Show on the last Sunday of every month at Sunnyvale in Brooklyn.