It’s only fitting that 2020’s Thanksgiving is the weirdest one ever. After all, it’s still 2020. COVID disrupts holidays as much as it disrupts everything else—at least if you’re responsible and are trying to prevent the spread of the virus. If you just don’t give a hell about getting your parents sick, perhaps your Thanksgiving was relatively normal this year. Still, from the truncated, crowd-less Macy’s parade, to a Lions / Texans game that had no fans in the stand, to a dog show whose audience was made up of giant cardboard cutout of other dogs, it was impossible to make it through this Thanksgiving without noticing the impact of the pandemic.
Hopefully you just stayed home and got absolutely blackout drunk while trying to watch Ric Flair’s greatest matches—which is basically what I do every Thanksgiving already.
Thanksgiving normally inspires a bunch of great and hilarious tweets, and with the extra edge of the pandemic messing this one up, this year’s holiday was more rife for good jokes than usual. Here are the best and funniest tweets about Thanksgiving in 2020, from comedians, writers, and other notable Twitter accounts. Read ‘em, like ‘em or share ‘em, follow the people who wrote ‘em, and then get ready to relive today again when the next holiday rolls around in just a few weeks.
This is usually my favorite night of the entire year and I’m sad that this will be the first time in my adult life someone from high school doesn’t try to hit me in a bar on the night before Thanksgiving.
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) November 26, 2020
Today I’m thankful Capital One got John Travolta to dress as Santa, meet up with Sam Jackson and re-enact Pulp Fiction then ask what’s in my wallet. The answer: tears.
— Jordan Klepper (@jordanklepper) November 26, 2020
Getting ‘night before Thanksgiving drunk’ is the only tradition I’ll be adhering to this year.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 26, 2020
Oh no, I cant pay $1000 that i don’t have to fly to rural Minnesota and eat dinner at a truck stop with my whiney dad this year.
— Marie Colette (@MarieColette) November 26, 2020
on passover you leave out a glass of wine for elijah, but on thanksgiving you leave out a lukewarm coors light for gritty
— Cara Weinberger (@caraweinberger) November 25, 2020
Never had a bad experience at The Bar Everyone From High School Goes To The Night Before Thanksgiving over the years but what I wouldn’t give to have an absolutely lousy one tonight
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) November 26, 2020
This year, I’m thankful for all of the people in my life who enjoy collectively and aggressively dunking on random tweets from teenagers with 300 followers
— Abraham Riesman ????? ??????? (@abrahamjoseph) November 26, 2020
Just because I’m not having thanksgiving with family doesn’t mean I’m not buying four pounds of butter right now.
— Desi (@DesiJed) November 25, 2020
it’s thanksgiving eve and you know what that means, soon uncle turkey will climb through my window and hand me a single feather and, as always, i’ll say “what is this” and a beam of light will glow on him from above and i’ll say “is this YOUR feather?” and he’ll nod and disappear
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) November 26, 2020
Guys I promise thanksgiving sucks just stay home and day drink it’s amazing I swear
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) November 26, 2020
Night before Thanksgiving, time to meet up with all your old friends and pardon them so they won’t blab to the DOJ about your many crimes
— Aaron (@BobbyBigWheel) November 25, 2020
This Thanksgiving
I’ll miss boarding my plane in group 4
but standing at the gate
w/the dignity of a person in group 2.— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) November 25, 2020
People seem to think Americans are risking their lives for a plate of mediocre food on Thanksgiving. No. They’re risking their lives for mediocre conversation about mediocre TV their parents watched this year.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) November 25, 2020
I was working at the (turkey) lab late one night
When my eyes beheld a tasty sight
When the turkey from its plate began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
It did the mash!
Thanksgiving Turkey Mash!
It did the mash!
The turkey caught fire in a flash
It did the mash!
A potato mash— Muscovite Sky (@AlexFirer) November 26, 2020
This thanksgiving: if you are WHITE and consider yourself an ALLY, the race coalition has asked that you allow 2-6 Native American/ indigenous people to JUMP you for 90 seconds. No breaks. Show them you are with them by allowing yourself to be beaten
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) November 26, 2020
Let’s never forget Thanksgiving is really about winding up on a journey with an odd but lovable stranger, and finding a way home while also finding… friendship.The stranger is John Candy.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) November 26, 2020
me when I wake up at 5am on the day after thanksgiving with ham thirst pic.twitter.com/Gob9K3CEgT
— whitmer thomas (@WhitmerThomas) November 26, 2020
If I die of COVID right after thanksgiving, they’re going to have to bury me in my eating coffin.
— Subhah (@Subhah) November 26, 2020
“I miss doing cocaine at 10pm at my parents’ house but this is a pandemic so it’s fine if I ‘snort up’ at home with a can of beer and a dunkin donut at 7am!” —cokehead thanksgiving logic.
— John Hodgman (@hodgman) November 26, 2020
As is tradition, we have made another heinous Thanksgiving Parade for you to cram down your gullet-holes.https://t.co/cHUVIGAVF2
— Daniel Spenser (@DanSpenser) November 26, 2020
I guess it’s fitting that for this year’s Thanksgiving, the uninvited settlers will give themselves a deadly disease.
— Miles Kahn (@mileskahn) November 26, 2020
Wish it was a normal Thanksgiving so I could impress my younger cousins by calling it something cool like “T-giving.”
— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) November 26, 2020
my favorite Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade of all time was the one when NBC was trying to get people to watch Prime Suspect starring Maria Bello in a little hat
— Carrie Wittmer (@carriesnotscary) November 26, 2020
sam raimi’s spider-man is a thanksigiving day movie pic.twitter.com/sQ89tEdm76
— Mike X. Nichols (@mikexnichols) November 26, 2020
Let’s bring back bizarre Thanksgiving greeting cards pic.twitter.com/BoVXNzcQHb
— Erin WAR ON THANKSGIVING Ryan (@morninggloria) November 26, 2020
“What’s the weirdest thing you did during the pandemic?”
“Hm. Probably singing my hit country song while standing on a Jolly Green Giant float in a deserted midtown Manhattan on Thanksgiving?”
“Oh.”
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) November 26, 2020
At the first Thanksgiving, do you think any pilgrims ate so much they had to loosen the buckle on their hats?
— Paul Rust (@paulrust) November 26, 2020
Thanksgiving Trivia
Stuffing was invented in 1976 after someone’s fun uncle killed a six pack of Budweiser and shouted “Who dares me to eat the shit from inside the turkey?!”
— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) November 26, 2020
I think my Thanksgiving is going great so far, I’ve googled the question, “How much weight can a person gain in a day?” three times.
— Sean O’Connor (@seanoconnz) November 26, 2020
“Turkey Day” always feels like what you call Thanksgiving if you’re not an official sponsor and have to figure out a workaround.
— Tim Carvell (@timcarvell) November 26, 2020
Remember in April when Billie Joe Armstrong played a dramatic version of “Wake Me Up When September Ends” and we were all, “Yeah, this is really tough but we’ll get through it,” and now it’s 8 months later and worse than ever? Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving!
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) November 26, 2020
didn’t realize how bad the economy had fallen in 2020 until I just turned on the Halloween Store Thanksgiving Day Parade
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) November 26, 2020
one-upping my mother-in-law who calls the thanksgiving turkey “the bird” by calling it “the animal”
— slick (@dlicj) November 26, 2020
FUN FACT: If you baste the turkey in Purell you can’t catch COVID from the wife-swapping portion of Thanksgiving dinner.
— Jarrett Bellini (@JarrettBellini) November 26, 2020
Thanksgiving gatherings this year are going back to the Pilgrim roots, where you thank those who give you food by killing them later.
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) November 26, 2020
the gay cousin showing up to thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/knSicyu6hR
— Chingy “twinkie thickums” Nea (@TheGayChingy) November 26, 2020
Ohhhh it’s the uncle who by look and voice seems like he’s about to spout some dumb opinion on traveling for Thanksgiving but then bada bing he actually is wise about it! Sweet Maria what a reversal! pic.twitter.com/ltk28oiCfb
— Chris Calogero (@RealChrisCal) November 25, 2020
happy thanksgiving to everyone everywhere except canada!
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
(had thanksgiving last month.)
— Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) November 26, 2020
divorced dads get to eat thanksgiving dinner in a tent outside denny’s this year
— everett byram (@rad_milk) November 26, 2020
Spider-Man gives America something to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving. pic.twitter.com/51whLqLDRh
— Gilbert Gottfried (@RealGilbert) November 26, 2020
This year has been so hard, but on Thanksgiving Day, we should at least give thanks we (probably) didn’t have to resign from our jobs after accidentally taking a dump on camera. https://t.co/S754ujbESD
— Kristen Bartlett (@kristencheeks) November 26, 2020
Happy Thanksgiving! I’m in trouble for using our turkey baster to drain standing water out of a tree stump in the height of mosquito season and then forgetting to replace it!
— Andy Daly (@TVsAndyDaly) November 26, 2020
To make Thanksgiving more interesting you should have to eat a different type of bird every year and you can’t eat the same type twice
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) November 26, 2020
Any movie where the mom awkwardly changes the subject is a Thanksgiving movie.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) November 26, 2020
Didn’t go anywhere for Thanksgiving, but out of habit, I keep looking at my watch.
— Josh Comers (@joshcomers) November 26, 2020