Last week Sony showed off a bunch of games coming up for the PlayStation 5, which will be out later this year. I’m pretty sure the gaming giant didn’t expect to get showed up by a fast food joint, but that’s exactly what’s happened.
The big news in games the last few days isn’t the PlayStation 5 or the Xbox Series X. It isn’t this week’s release of The Last of Us Part II. It’s not even the fact that Nintendo’s free jump rope game almost made our poor, innocent, defenseless intern Joseph sick. No, the major story rocking the industry this week was the shock announcement of the next state-of-the-art gaming console, from the renowned fried chicken and (apparently) gaming company whose name used to stand for Kentucky Fried Chicken : the KFConsole.
The future of gaming is here.
— KFC Gaming (@kfcgaming) June 12, 2020
Here’s an embed of the YouTube video, if you want a better, closer, greasier look at the future of gaming.
A press release that went out alongside this video reiterated some of this box’s hot and spicy specs. Expect a “sleek bargain-bucket-inspired design” with an “innovative chicken chamber” and “unrivaled power from the Zinger processor chip clocked at 11 Ghz.” (As a dude who’s been on a serious diet for six months now, I gotta say that I could really go for a Zinger sandwich right now.) Oh, it also boasts “resolutions up to True 4k at 120 FPS.” This console packs quite the punch, and we gotta assume it also ships with 11 secret herbs and spices and a side of potato wedges. Now we can’t wait for KFC’s popcorn chicken handheld system.
The press release also reveals that “the KFConsole is set to be released on 11/12/20”—which sounds like a great time to kick off a holiday marketing campaign, right?
There’s even a quote from KFC’s Brand Engagement Manager, Josh Benge, who keeps the social media gag going:
“At KFC we’ve been continually astounded by the gaming community’s amazing response to everything we’ve done and we had to give back with something truly incredible. We wanted to give gamers the best gaming experience on the market, with the convenience of a home chicken supply and so the the KFConsole was born. We can’t wait to get into our fans’ hands later this year.”
What would legendary Kentucky Fried Chicken founder Colonel Harland Sanders think about the KFConsole? Well, he died in 1980, too early to really enjoy the explosion of videogaming throughout the ‘80s, ‘90s and beyond, or the explosion of obesity, diabetes and heart disease during the same time period. Maybe he played some Space Invaders, or dug pinball—I dunno. As a fake colonel he’d probably be all about games like Call of Duty and Battlefield, where people get to play act like army men. I do know his fried chicken will do in a pinch but can’t match the real stuff, and I also know (thanks to Vic Berger) that he once went on Jim Bakker’s show and talked about getting an enema and passing what he thought was “some fecal matter out of the wrinkle of the colon.”
We’ll have more news on the KFConsole pretty much never.