Dispatch from the heart of the Empire—
The United States of America, which dropped over 26,000 bombs in seven different countries in 2016, under a president who was ostensibly less war-like than the current iteration, has just dropped the 21,000-pound GBU-43 bomb for the first time in its history. The so-called “mother of all bombs” (MOAB), which is the most damaging weapon short of a nuclear bomb in the entire military arsenal, struck a cave complex in eastern Afghanistan at 7:32 pm local time, near the Pakistani border, suspected to be inhabited by ISIS militants. The GBU-43 contains a payload of 11 kilo-tonnes of TNT, comparable to the 15 kilo-tonnes held contained by the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima at the end of World War II.
Gen. John W. Nicholson, who signed off on the order after authorization from Donald Trump, assured the empire in a statement that they took “every precaution to avoid civilian casualties.”
In related news, a recent Empire airstrike in Syria mistakenly killed 18 American allies fighting for the Syrian Democratic Forces. There, in Iraq, and in Yemen, civilian deaths by U.S. bombing have continued to rise since Trump, who promised to “bomb the shit out of ISIS” on the campaign trail, took office.