Watch Keri’s video breakdown of Lifetime’s new series American Princess below.
What if “super horny nerds designed an amusement park”? American Princess calls that a Renaissance fair.
Imagine, if you will, Gwyneth Paltrow at a Renaissance fair with not an ounce of filtered water in sight. That’s American Princess in a nutshell. And that is not just me bringing in the Queen of Goop. That is how the show beings. Amanda (Georgia Flood), is a wellness writer and Gwyneth Paltrow is an unseen guest at her wedding. (They never say her last name, but you know which Gwyneth it is, because the back of her wedding pedal cab says “conscious coupling.”)
The Upper Eastside princess is set to get married at a perfect outdoor wedding, but within the first few minutes of the show, her fiancé Facetimes her and he is getting a blow job.
Needless to say, The American Princess decides to confront her fiancé who is still getting his job done.
Weirdly, her mom then wants her to go back to the guy who cheated on her, but she just shoves them and ends up covered in blood. The fiancé begs her not to life saying that she makes his life complete, but she rightly corrects him “It’s you complete me, asshole.”
She then ends up at a Renaissance fair without her phone, and since she happens to be dressed in a corset and crinoline, people assume she is part of the festival. Though she makes friends quickly with a hot guy who goes by the name of, I kid you not, Pizzle Humpsalot, she also gets drunk and ends up thinking she is at a wedding, when in fact … she is still at the Ren fair.
Pizzle, or more known in modern times as David, comes to her rescue. He’s very cute and she wakes up at his place. But he was not just attending the fair — he works there.
Meanwhile, her mom and sister find her, bring her back her cell, and offer to take her home where she can make things right with her fiancé. She refuses and stays at the festival.
There is nothing deep about this show. It is ridiculous. I think that is what makes it great. If you like Real Housewife-type shows, this is right up your alley. The difference is, it’s scripted. The trainwrecks that happen are crafted, no one’s life is actually ruined. No judgement if you like those kinds of reality shows, of course, this just gives you that same base level voyeurism without watching real people do really dumb stuff.
While the show is also fairly light, it doesn’t make fun of people involved in Renaissance festivals. It’s more of an awakening, like “oh, this is a thing people enjoy, that’s cool.” The show also touches on the truth that many of us have experienced, which is that sometimes a major shift in our life causes a major reaction.
The character of The American Princess happens to be a writer, so maybe she will turn this whole experience into a book … or a TV show.
American Princess airs Sunday nights on Lifetime.
Keri is a professional chatterbox who loves watching TV & movies, reading about pop culture, and gawking at any craziness on the internet. You can follow Keri on Twitter.