Watch: A Game of Thrones Newbie Tries to Decipher “Dragonstone,” and It’s Hilarious

The only things I knew about Game of Thrones were that winter was coming and that Jon Snow had died and come back to life.

So I watched the premiere of Season Seven with basically no back story.

The older gentleman singing praises to those people and then killing them all was really something. I thought maybe it was going to be John Travolta or Nicolas Cage.

Instead I saw a young, creepy girl.

Arya needs a hug and a very good therapist. Why is a little girl poisoning and killing people?

But it seems like a bad girl gets everything good when she later gets a free concert from Ed Sheeran and shares drinks with him and his friends.

No clue who she is or what she wants. I think she wants POWER.

Like everyone.

Jon Snow—the only character I was familiar with—and his sister (I think?) Sansa can’t agree. They both know different enemies well, so they can’t prioritize who they should be more concerned about.

I say both.

Also, who is Lady Montmort? The little lady wants to fight. If they let boys fight, they should let her. But honestly, I don’t think they could stop her.

Lots of girl power in this show, which is fabulous!

In fact, another lady is on the throne. I don’t know if she rules everything? I do know that those are the thrones that are used in all the promotional stuff, so I think she might have defeated everyone.

Winter is here, but I don’t know what that means. Is that lady evil and therefore winter?

I don’t know.

Then there is a guy named Clegane traveling through the forest, where he’s headed or what role he plays. I don’t think he will ever be a ruler. He ends up in a house with people he knows who are dead and he feels something.

He seems like the only character with lots of heart. He buries them and then sees what is happening in a fire.

The other character I liked was the guy who looked like The Albino from The Princess Bride. I don’t know if it’s the costume or what, but he seemed like he was a regular guy, working well and figuring out the dragon glass thing.

Is the girl with white hair the dragon queen?

What is a dragon queen? Is she like a chosen one?

So that’s what I think is happening. I’d love to know if I’m right.

Keri is a professional chatterbox who loves watching TV & movies, reading about pop culture, and gawking at any craziness on the internet. You can follow Keri on Twitter.