The 20 Best Phil Dunphy Quotes

TV Lists

Once again, the Emmy category for actors in a comedy series is dominated by nominees from Modern Family. It’s a fantastic ensemble cast, but it wouldn’t be the same without “cool dad,” loving husband and self-assured real estate salesman Phil Dunphy, played by Ty Burrell. We’ve collected our favorite Phil Dunphy quotes on a variety of topics from the first three seasons of Modern Family below.

20. Supporting Roles
“Oh yeah, everybody loves Michael Jordan, but nobody thinks of Scottie Pippen. The only reason I remember him is because he’s named after my favorite musical.” (Episode 2.11, “Slow Down Your Neighbors”)

19. Cheerleading
“Cheerleading in my college was cool. The football players were so jealous they wouldn’t even let me and my buddies, Trevor, Scotty and Ling go to their parties. (Episode 1.13, “Fifteen Percent”)

18. Dancing
“Always keep the rhythm in your feet and a little party in your shoulders. (Episode 3.24, “Baby on Board”)

17. Foreign Films
“Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn’t do anything wrong.” (Episode 2.12, “Our Children, Ourselves”)

16. Chinese
“Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she’ll be useful when they finish buying us.” (Episode 3.21, “Planes, Trains and Cars”)

15. Perfectionism
“Claire’s a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing, like when it comes to picking a husband.” (Episode 1.24, “Family Portrait”)

14. Idiot Friends
“I’ve always said that if my son thinks of me as one of his idiot friends, I’ve succeeded as a dad.” (Episode 3.4, “Door to Door”)

13. Courage
“I am brave. Roller coasters? Love ‘em. Scary movies? I’ve seen Ghostbusters, like, seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I’m pretty much not afraid of anything…Except clowns. Never shared that with the fam, so…shh. Do have an image to maintain.I am not really sure where the fear comes from. My mother says it’s because when I was a kid, I found a dead clown in the woods, but who knows?” (Episode 1.9, “Fizbo”)

12. Cowboy Skills
“I’ve been practicing like crazy all of my cowboy skills, shootin’, ropin’, pancake eatin’. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesn’t respect me as a man.” (Episode 3.1, “Dude Ranch”)

11. Testing
“So Laura’s trying to test me? Bring it on. I’ve been tested my entire life. They could never find anything.” (Episode 2.11, “Slow Down Your Neighbors”)

10. Distant Fathers
“I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers; it turns out I’m one of them. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up a stripper.” (Episode 1.21, “Travels With Scout”)

9. Family Drama
“Note to Claire, if you want intense family drama, rent Spy Kids.” (Episode 2.22, “Good Cop Bad Dog”)

8. His Fists
“I’m gonna introduce him to the Captain… and Tenille.” (Episode 1.20, “Benched”

7. Male Cheerleaders
”’Sorry guys, I can’t be in Vegas because my wife’s having a breakdown.’ Believe me, you don’t want to make that call to a bunch of former male cheerleaders. They will mock you with a hurtful rhythmic chant.” (Episode 2.23, “See You Next Fall”)

6. Timing
“I was gonna tell Claire about the dog. I was just waiting until she was in the right mood. Actually, I did get one right mood a couple nights ago… but I cashed that in for something else.” (Episode 1.21, “Travels With Scout”)

5. Powerful Women
“I’ll admit it. I’m turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condolezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.” (Episode 3.5, “Hit and Run)

4. The iPad
“The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It’s like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, “We love you, Phil.” (Episode 1.19, “Game Changer”)

3. Alcohol
“You know how in a fairy tale there’s always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don’t wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.” (Episode 1.14, “Moon Landing”)

2. Cool Dad
“I’m cool dad, that’s my thang. I’m hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face (Episode 1.1, “Pilot”)

1. Porn
“That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial. (Episode 1.12: “Not In My House”)

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