The week is over, long live the week. A few highlights: Elon Musk going bananas over the free press, Grimes aiding and abetting Elon Musk going bananas over the free press, a baboon running amok in an airport, a bunch of tech companies updating their privacy policies, Barack and Michelle Obama signing a multi-million dollar Netflix deal, a whole bunch of jokes about Solo. Wow! What a week! Maybe this week will be the week where things finally turn around. Or maybe not! As Solo says in Solo, “I’ve got a good feeling about this.” I haven’t seen the movie yet so I don’t know if events bear out his good feeling, please do not @ me.
I think they should have a 12-digit code, and implant each digit in a different volunteer. Also, all the volunteers are cowards, and they all panic and try to fight off the president. Also, they’re all champion swordsmen, so the president has to be an even better swordsman. https://t.co/YiUz3rb3c2
By age 35, you should have everything under control. Situation normal. Uh… had a slight weapons malfunction. But, uh, everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here, now, thank you. How are you? pic.twitter.com/U4nXZqM05w
Alright, I got my billion dollars, my girlfriend is one of the coolest art-pop performers alive, and my solid gold private Space Shuttle I only use for sex tourism is almost out of the shop. Time to… constantly shitpost on Twitter?
Let those of you who haven’t tarnished your gf’s reputation by obliging her to defend your questionable labor practices and then directed your anger from that episode at the media for poking holes in your heroic self-conception, cast the first stone against him.
“It’s a comedy but you’re never going to laugh, not once ever. And uh, YA, it’ll be bad.” -white guy who will be given 30 million dollars to make his TV show
I always say – if you want to make it in entertainment, you need to be ready to work for a decade to break in (of course its best if 8 of the years of that decade are spent being president)
— therm scissorpunch (@jackallisonLOL) May 21, 2018
Caitlin: Thanks for hopping on the phone. There’s so, so much great stuff here. Jason: I’m having so, so much fun in this world. Caitlin: We are wondering if we can get the story started faster—- Barack: Totally, totally. Michelle: Makes perfect sense, Caitlin! https://t.co/N6z7EzJhOT
