Michelle Wolf did such a good job at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this year that they’ve basically cancelled the thing for the future. Not officially, or anything—there will be something called the White House Correspondents’ Dinner next year, but in a change from tradition an author instead of a comedian will host the embarrassing shindig where the media yuks it up like goodtime buddies with the powerful they’re supposed to be holding accountable. Wolf rattled Trump and the obsequious DC media machine so thoroughly that they’re afraid to give anybody else the chance. Hopefully Ron Chernow, the author of such books as The Warburgs: The Twentieth-Century Odyssey of a Remarkable Jewish Family and Titan: The Life of John D. Rockefeller, Sr., surprises everybody by unleashing the thorniest zingers and most scorching burns imaginable next year. In solidarity, and whatnot.
The news drove our nation’s number one leaky big boy to his favorite digital soapbox to crow about how somebody who was very unfair to him was such a total failure and so not funny that a dying event that actually means nothing to him has had to buck decades of tradition to save itself and maybe he’ll go now?
Because Twitter, of course, is where Trump lives, more so than the White House or even Mar-a-Lago, and no slight, no matter how old or insignificant, can ever disgorge itself from the President’s very stable and successful soup of a brain long enough to avoid comment from this very busy and serious man. If the gelatinous chunks of grey matter in Trump’s head somehow lived to be 100 he’d still shoot out random tweets about how mean and ugly Wolf was to him, decades after the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and years after Wolf disappeared in the wildfires that by that point will perpetually engulf 70% of our post-climate change and post-nuclear oblivion hell of a United States.
As depressingly and unintentionally hysterical as Trump can be, though, he’s not a professional comedian. Michelle Wolf is, and a very great one, at that. So in the time she has left before the climate takes her she responded to our President through his app of choice, and wrote maybe the only good tweet anybody has written since at least 2012.
The current world is a soul-destroying swamp of hate, cruelty and devolution, and Trump, Twitter and the internet in general are massively to blame for that. And yet this is also a world where a comedian can directly tell a president to his face (like, immediately and personally in front of his face, probably no more than six inches or so, probably while he’s at his most prone and vulnerable during his daily losing battle with his bowels on whatever gold-plated toilet he was closest to that day) that he’s totally friends with murderers and tyrants who torture and kill journalists that criticize them. It’s never been this easy to savagely—and FACTUALLY—burn a president for shitting all over the very first amendment (and at least one pretty crucial commandment), while also knowing that he will definitely see it. That doesn’t come close to balancing the karmic scales for all those who have made Twitter and social media and the entire internet possible, but it at least brought a little bit of joy into an almost unmanageably dark world today.
Wolf’s fellow comedians, comedy writers, and other assorted tier one Twitterers noticed what she did today, and are celebrating her name far and wide.
If the presidency was governed by the rules of the prison yard that Trump and his cronies might still wind up in, this would pretty much mean Wolf’s the president now? And what an improvement that would be—from a president whose terrible reality show was mercifully cancelled by NBC years too late, to a president whose really good current affairs show was mercilessly cancelled by the much cooler Netflix way too quickly. Although knowing this country our next celebrity president will probably be a rich white kid who got famous for using the N-word while playing Smash Bros. on Twitch.