Hillary Clinton Running For President Isn’t Crazy, But Life Itself Is

Hillary Clinton is running for President, and just like that another batch of close-minded citizens (though that devalues such a word) have come screaming out of the woodwork. Just another day in the life, right? Let me first say that I support, no, encourage political opinions, disagreements, healthy debates and so on. I have no problem with people challenging me on how life-changing Toy Story 3 was (It was). However, I have a threshold. I, too, have a boiling point. Picture almost a thermometer-like figure with that off-brand mercury substance being stupid, irrational thoughts—and when it gets to the top…Let’s just say it’s not my favorite feeling in the world (note: my favorite feeling is waking up, realizing I don’t have to get up, and going back to sleep).

Unfortunately, this year my stupidity thermometer, if you will, has been closer to the top than to the bottom. I’ve had some kind of first amendment type fever. It started with terribly racist comments surrounding the events in Ferguson (and elsewhere), it continued with a heap of anti-semitism worldwide, and now, comments surrounding Hillary Clinton’s decision to run for president.

Like I said, have your own political views. That’s wonderful. That’s FANTASTIC. Golden star for you. No matter how much I disagree, I’ll respect that. What I can’t respect is sexism. What I can’t respect is degrading a person based on your irrational views backed by nothing whatsoever. What I can’t respect is bullying, because in the end, that’s what this is.

And I don’t necessarily agree with Hillary Clinton’s views. I’m not even saying I am going to vote for her (sorry if you’re reading this, Hill). I haven’t done my research yet. What I do know, though, is that in the past week following her announcement, I’ve heard an abundance of absurd, unfair remarks.

Anything from a group expressing concerns about Hillary’s willingness to be aggressive to her decision-making ability. I ask myself, would people be making these very same comments if, say, I, a man, was running for president? Probably not. Because I’m perfect. Moving on.

These comments, both in person and online, started to get to me. These thoughts made me feel embarrassed for the people expressing them. Is it because I’m a religious minority? I’m sure that has something to do with it, but I think the bigger piece of this inequality puzzle is that I just expect everyone to be good people—to do good things. Clearly, this attitude sometimes proves to be foolish.

Which brings me here. So you think it’s so ridiculous that a woman is running for president, huh? Well, let’s put this “insane” notion into context, shall we?

[Clears throat]

No more than six months ago, we, America, donated $55,000 to a Kickstarter project for…drum roll please…a potato salad party! Yes! You heard right! Where was the hesitancy there? That’s an actual question. Please answer me. Someone had the bright idea of raising money for a potato salad party – and I’m not even being sarcastic, that’s brilliant. It was cute, he asked for $10. That’s harmless, right? Days later, to the surprise of everyone with a brain, this man was $55,000 richer. Not only that, but he went viral. His story was featured on popular sites such as Huffington Post, CNN, Gawker, USA Today, you get the point. He was looked at as a hero—a genius. I’m surprised Marvel hasn’t locked in a movie deal yet. Where is that on your “crazy” radar? Apparently not as crazy as a woman running for president.

Last week in Texas an underage drinker got out of a hefty ticket by beating the police officer in a game of rock, paper, scissors. Yes, like most I prefer to settle all my disputes that way, but REALLY!? That’s not ok. That’s batsh*t crazy, in fact.

And maybe the most bizarre—Justin Bieber apologized on Live TV. Completely Ludacris, right?

Want more?

EARTH. The fact that we are living and breathing and going on with our everyday lives on earth. Now that’s insane. That’s what everyone should be freaking out about day in and day out. All of our attention and every waking moment of our free time should be focused on how the h-e-double hockey sticks this planet is the way it is and how we are alive. But, no. Instead focus on the chaos that will ensue if someone with a vagina wants to do something good.

Open your ears. I’ve got news for you. Hillary Clinton running for president is not insane. It’s not outrageous. It’s not terrifying. It’s not making me lose any sleep. These other actions are what are insane. People doing bath salts and eating each other’s heads like starving zombies is insane.

I’m not trying to undersell this. I understand that this is a big deal in terms of history and in regard to progress. I get that. Maybe I just wish we weren’t at a place in society where this was such a big deal. Maybe I just want to press the fast forward button so I can travel to a time where this will be a normal occurrence—where this will be expected and not questioned or met with unworthy concern. Until then, I hope we can all take a moment to think before we speak. I’d like to keep my thermometer at a low temperature.

Writer and comedian Jonathan Savitt has been featured on MTV News, Funny or Die, Huffington Post, College Humor and more. Follow him on Twitter @savittj.