The Funniest Tweets About Mark Zuckerberg’s Testimony to Congress
Photos by Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images Comedy Lists Mark Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg, the overgrown My Buddy doll who built Facebook, unveiled his latest operating system update live on Capitol Hill today during a Congressional hearing into Facebook’s data scandal. It’s must-see TV if you’re a big fan of second-hand embarrassment, whether it’s for thirtysomething tech dorks with no social skills or eightysomething politicians with no tech skills. Basically a large group of old white men are grilling a much younger white man (or man-shaped walking algorithm) about something they know absolutely nothing about. If you get nervous watching people who don’t speak the same language try to communicate with each other, you’ll probably shake in discomfort over this hearing—even though everybody involved is speaking English, absolutely nobody involved can understand each other.
Given that the tech industry might be the only thing less popular with most Americans than politicians, and given that Zuckerberg holds a special place of contempt within that overreaching tech hatred, clearly this DC sideshow would provide some great grist for the endless Twitter mill. There are two perfect targets in a single story, letting every would-be jokesmith feel confident enough to tweet out every comment that enters their head. Some of them area actually funny, though, including this clutch of cutting remarks below. Check ‘em out and yes, please share on Facebook as soon as you can. (We might not like the rules of media today, but we still have to live by ‘em.)
ZUCKERBERG: im ready to answer any questions u might have about facebook
84-YEAR-OLD SENATOR: excellent. mr zuckerberg my farmville farm needs more pigs but i cannot figure out where to purchase them
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 10, 2018
Stop infantilizing Mark Zuckerberg! Also, here’s his booster seat. (Photographs by Evy Mages.) pic.twitter.com/MeKwDZwIEF
— Andrew Beaujon (@abeaujon) April 10, 2018
“Mr. Zuckerberg, I have just one question about Facebook: Where do I find my Hotmail?” pic.twitter.com/51f5cxnJiq
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) April 10, 2018
Shaming Mark Zuckerberg in front of Congress is our royal wedding.
— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) April 10, 2018
Senator: Mr. Zuckerberg, two questions. Is Flarcebork the same as a Tweeto? And what are “an computer”?
Zuckerberg: (sigh)
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) April 10, 2018
A thing I 100% believe about Mark Zuckerberg with absolutely no evidence is that he went through a phase where he tried to get people to call him “the zuck”
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 10, 2018
“Mr. Zuckerberg, a magazine i recently opened came with a floppy disk offering me 30 free hours of something called America On-Line. Is that the same as Facebook?” pic.twitter.com/U7pqpUhEhQ
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) April 10, 2018
mr. zuckerberg, are you prepared to go to jail for having a personality so stale and shitty that you’ve forced senator thune to make a face that I weirdly find hot? pic.twitter.com/rzYI6MDuPd
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) April 10, 2018
#Zuckerberg has that rare character arc where he began as a shitty villain and, through years of experience and reflection, became an even shittier villain.
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) April 10, 2018
Senator: “Are you a human?”
Mark #Zuckerberg: “This an important question. My team will get back to you on that.” pic.twitter.com/9C6uUDpQeD
— Mark Zuckerberg Memes (@ZuckerbergMemes) April 10, 2018
“Mr. Zuckerberg, did you see what my coworker Ronda posted about all of this the other day?”
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) April 10, 2018
It’s absurd that people criticize high school students for talking about gun control policy but are cool with having 80-year-olds question Mark Zuckerberg about Facebook, online privacy and AI.
— Tommy Vietor (@TVietor08) April 10, 2018
Excited for all this to blow over so Mark Zuckerberg can pursue his true dream: Winning the Iowa caucuses
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) April 10, 2018
Mark Zuckerberg getting The Real Facebook Experience in listening to Sen. Chuck Grassley, an 84yo man who cannot type and is confused and upset by everything he sees, just kind of rattling on about shit.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) April 10, 2018
If I were questioning Zuckerberg about Facebook I’d just ask him to explain different Minions memes. “Why is the Minion in the marines, and also in your opinion how does that relate to the broader observation about ‘fake friends?'”
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) April 10, 2018
“Mr. Zuckerberg, why is Tweety Bird referring to itself as ‘that bitch’?”
— Jose Franco (@JoseFranco_) April 10, 2018
ZUCK: Yes Senator
SEN. ARTEMIS P. SEGREGATION (R-The Roarin’ 20s): I hear tell I can get sundries delivered to mah icebox instead of havin’ to traipse down to the apothacary
ZUCK: You mean Amazon?
SEN.: Like the large breasted women on the island what my bi plane crashed on
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) April 10, 2018
mark zuckerberg give me some money & we can put this whole thing behind us
— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) April 10, 2018
this zuckerberg testifying thing is probably his (and my) absolute nightmare— having to explain how facebook works to a room full of septuagenarians
— annie black (@helloannieblack) April 10, 2018
“Mr. Zuckerberg, I’m hoping you can answer this question for me: How do I do a Facebook?” pic.twitter.com/5rj7jiEXPb
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) April 10, 2018
Whoever wins this argument drinks extra meal slurry tonight pic.twitter.com/hAJp12U5M4
— Hana Michels (@HanaMichels) April 10, 2018
— erin chack (@ErinChack) April 10, 2018
“One final question, is it possible for a website to go rogue and like a porn video all by itself even though the person whose account it is loves his wife very much and definitely doesn’t fantasize about being cuckolded?” pic.twitter.com/yPvjYdyQh0
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) April 10, 2018
Cruz: Do you agree the Ted Cruz Meme Page should be the first thing you see when you log into the Facebook?
Zuckerberg: What? no. I don’t —-
Cruz: So you admit you’re suppressing conservative voices! FIRST AMENDMENT MISTER ZULKERBARG.
— Drew Schnoebelen (@Dschnoeb) April 10, 2018
2016 ted cruz: trump is despicable for saying my dad killed jfk and that my wife is ugly
2018 ted cruz: mr zuckerberg why did u shut down the group [squints at paper] ‘we love our glorious father donald j trump’
— the hippo account (@InternetHippo) April 10, 2018
The only thing Facebook has a monopoly on are all the crazy girls from high school who constantly post their drama and then tell people to stay out of their damn business. #Zuckerberg
— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) April 10, 2018