The Oscars were Oscars tonight, with Oscars Oscarsing up all over the place. The Oscars people did what they do once again, miraculously turning the magic of the movies into a backpat-athon that left almost everybody involved or watching at home feeling supremely unfulfilled. Green Book, a movie about how one co-screenwriter had a very good and not especially racist dad, went home with the Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay, and Best Supporting Actor Oscars. Bohemian Rhapsody, a movie about how Queen existed for a while that apparently directed itself, won a bunch of awards, too. Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper unveiled a power source that could help save us from global warming with their erotically charged performance of “Shallow,” and Glenn Close continued her lifelong impression of Susan Lucci by not winning once again. It was certainly an Oscars, with all that that entails, and yes, we watched almost the whole damn thing, for some reason.
What made it almost tenable, once more, was following along with the show on Twitter, an app that disrupts the harassment and hate speech industries but also lets comedians tell jokes sometimes. These are the best of those jokes, at least this year, the year of Green Book, the year of Bohemian Rhapsody, the year of Spike Lee somehow winning his very first competitive Oscar for the very first time. Read the tweets and laugh and follow the tweeters and have a good life okay?
I don’t watch award shows, but then I read every tweet about them, which is an even bigger waste of time.
— ali waller (@imaliwaller) February 25, 2019
Bohemian Rhapsody had an extremely powerful and important message: Queen was a band. #Oscars
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) February 25, 2019
Now they have to add a bonus scene to the DVD where a film executive says that “Bohemian Rhapsody” will never win an Oscar, while looking straight to camera.
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) February 25, 2019
I genuinely love how many people are dressed like a large tube of glitter tonight. #Oscars
— How To Be Alone (by me Lane Moore) is out now (@hellolanemoore) February 25, 2019
Without a host, the #Oscars are just people reading a list of high school yearbook superlatives.
— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) February 25, 2019
It’s nice to see all the women whose skin I plan to wear in one place #Oscars
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) February 25, 2019
Hell yeah, baby. Can’t wait to tweet 10-12 jokes that will make no sense out of context and delete 6 of them tomorrow #Oscars
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) February 25, 2019
Scott Baio, James Woods, and Antonio Sabato Jr. are boycotting the #Oscars? ? by not having been in a movie in over 25 years.
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) February 24, 2019
My sources say if you fave a tweet with the hashtag #Oscars, the heart turns into a gold star. I take no pleasure in reporting this.
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) February 24, 2019
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY WAS A VH1 MOVIE AT BEST BUT OKAY LET’S KEEP GOING WITH THIS CHARADE #Oscars
— Alex Blagg (@alexblagg) February 25, 2019
How y’all make a whole ass movie but can’t put together a 20 second Oscars acceptance speech!?!
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) February 25, 2019