After being unjustly suspended from Twitter last week for innocently telling people it was legal to vote a day later, I’ve decided to fully become a libertarian free speech guy and a second-phase investor in totally-chill, super fair-and-balanced first amendment platform Gab. Next week’s article will be titled “The Funniest Gabs of the Week” featuring gold like “Why can’t we say it #OurWordFirst” and “MLK JR DAY IS A #FALSEFLAG!!” Their humor is a little different over there, but I think we’ll all adjust in due time.
For now, however, here are the funniest CENSORED posts from the last week on the GLOBALIST site you call Twitter:
There’s a new movie coming out called Widows and it sounds like the saddest possible sequel to Girls
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) November 9, 2018
When I was in middle school there was a skating rink in Arlington that would turn into a nightclub for 12-17 year olds called “Club Skatium”. That shit was wild. It was just kids dancin, smoking weed outside, and fuckin in the bathrooms. It was like that island in Pinocchio
— Josh Johnson (@JoshtheSandwich) November 10, 2018
This dude on my FB just got outta prison and his Facebook feed is just him constantly being blown away pic.twitter.com/usOevEanCM
— French Canadian Montana (@PeezyTX) November 9, 2018
Girl who posts dead birds on her instagram pic.twitter.com/C18O7l6wIz
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) November 11, 2018
Every shirt in this Goodwill represents someone who died of opioid abuse. pic.twitter.com/0irr9dUEC5
— whitecotton (@whitecotton) November 8, 2018
Why the fuck are you making this my business? Are you sick? pic.twitter.com/7praRu0atG
— Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) November 12, 2018
if you ask a cop if hes nutted this november hes legally required to tell you
— extwemewy onwine (@samelpan) November 8, 2018
Everyone’s a socialist till I ask if their dad can pay my rent too
— Devon Walker (@internetdevon) November 9, 2018
2019 we’re not cleaning our rooms before hook ups they will either accept it or leave
— jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) November 7, 2018
just emailed marilyn manson to say that i’m changing the lyrics to “the beautiful pizza, the beautiful pizza” and the good news is he’s totally on board
— sarahdactyl (@girlnarly) November 11, 2018
Mom you really went sicko mode on this mac n cheese
— Adamabo (@semiinteresting) November 10, 2018
In 2004 when I worked at Hollywood Video, one day I put Muppets Take Manhattan on and PAUSED IT on the rat, and turned all 20 TV’s on in the store. Just left him on pause all day. When customers asked about it, I just said “I don’t know!” pic.twitter.com/L0q7MLhnwh
— Bobby Keller (@spookykeller) November 9, 2018
Just because all of my white improv boyfriend’s actions strongly suggest/proove he is racist , doesn’t mean he can’t do an INCREDIBLY O.K Michael Caine impression!
— Patti Harrison (@Party_Harderson) November 10, 2018
I organized the Smash roster by their primary source of income pic.twitter.com/lkx9sL4xdK
— Klim (@FreakInASheet) November 8, 2018
niggas get their hands on a pair of nike offwhite sneakers n start speaking in color palettes n visiting museums on weekdays jus to stand still
— g (@thugtear) November 12, 2018
Gordon Ramsey: tell me what you’ve made here
Me: placing my hand on his an everlasting friendship
— Boog (@BoogTweets) November 10, 2018