LEAKED: 14 GOP Talking Points on the Giant Asteroid Coming for Earth

Paste Comedy has intercepted talking points prepared by the Republican Party in response to the massive asteroid currently hurtling towards our planet. Here’s an exclusive look at the beltway hubbub surrounding this imminent disaster.

Zack Bornstein is an Emmy-nominated and Peabody Award-winning writer from Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Kimmel Live, The Good Cop, Alternatino, and The New Yorker, and can be found on Twitter at @ZackBornstein getting called a “cuck” by neo-Nazis.

Note: This is satire. We really hope you realize that.