I’m starting to feel like things aren’t going so well in these here United States.
Look, I hate starting this column off with a depressing, pessimistic intro every single week. That’s not fun for anybody. It’s impossible to drum up fake enthusiasm at this point, though, especially for something as, uh, insubstantial as a gallery of tweets. Things are bad, they’re only getting worse, and one of the few ways we can handle it is through jokes. Here are some. This week the Trump administration reiterated that it wants all public schools to reopen in the fall, no matter the COVID consequences; Jeff Sessions lost a Senate primary to a former football coach; Disney World became the latest Florida theme park to reopen as that state’s coronavirus numbers continue to explode; Georgia’s governor sued Atlanta’s mayor to keep the city from enforcing a mandatory mask policy; and, oh, in late-breaking news, apparently the Department of Homeland Security has deployed paramilitary forces to Portland, Ore., to extrajudicially detain citizens. Not a good week!
Some of these tweets are about some of those issues. Some aren’t. Some are comments locked into a specific time or place, whose meaning and impact is already waning. Others are just timeless jokes that could be retweeted at any point in the future and still get a laugh out of people. Check ‘em out, and follow the people who wrote ‘em.