Since becoming Editor, I’ve found myself scrolling through Twitter quite often in order to find the most interesting tidbits to share with our Paste readers, and I was convinced this one was too good to be true.
Thankfully for comedy’s sake, it is not. This is all 100% real life. The Institute’s statement is in reaction to a Washington Post story about Donald Trump’s selection process – one that hampered mustachioed John Bolton’s case for secretary of state. Per the Washington Post:
“Donald was not going to like that mustache,” said one associate, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to speak frankly. “I can’t think of anyone that’s really close to Donald that has a beard that he likes.”
Given his New York background and affinity for anything that qualifies as “winning,” it seems likely that this is related to the former owner of the New York Yankees — George Steinbrenner. He was famous for enforcing a strict policy of no long hair or facial hair. Famed manager Lou Piniella called him out on it after he was traded to the Yankees as a player in 1973. Piniella allegedly said “Our Lord Jesus Christ was the greatest person who ever lived, and he had long hair.” Steinbrenner supposedly walked him across the street at their Spring Training complex, pointing to a pond and saying “If you can walk across the water, you can wear your hair any way you want to.”
The former Yankees owner isn’t the only famous billionaire with a grudge against facial hair.
The difference is that George Steinbrenner revived America’s most famous team en route to seven World Series titles, Montgomery Burns has actually released a hard figure of his net worth on a few occasions, while the President-elect has spent a lifetime dodging questions, stiffing the little guy, and licensing his name to whomever was willing to overpay for it. And also hating mustaches apparently. Welcome to Trumplandia.