“I assure you, any frowns we are wearing are real. Painted on or not.” This was part of the statement posted Jan. 3 by a member of Powerclown, a clown-themed Iron Maiden tribute band from Vancouver. The band member, referred to by his moniker Sketchy Klown, released the band’s official statement days after Powerclown’s lead singer Daniel Whitmore, better known as “Dicksee Diànno,” was arrested in Japan for allegedly smuggling $7 million (Canadian) worth of some kind of stimulant into Japan, stuffed inside his guitar case.
Japan is known to have a zero-tolerance stance on drug smuggling. The sentence for a conviction like this could run ten years or more, in addition to carrying heavy fines. Michael Klein, a lawyer who spoke to Canada’s Global News about the matter, said he “couldn’t see any interference by the Canadian government in a foreign prosecution.” For now, the members of Powerclown are saddened by the decisions of their band member and friend. Joseph Lambert, best friend of the accused, told Global News, “It’s almost like he’s dead now, except he’s not.”
There’s been speculation as to the motive behind Whitmore’s alleged acts. Some believe him to be a victim that was coerced into a situation he would ordinarily never find himself in. Others, still, believe the accused might’ve had some financial troubles.
Whitmore was arrested on Dec. 11 by Japanese authorities. Two days before his arrest, Whitmore posted on Facebook, “Are you an Asian drug dealer? Because you’re bringing me down … ”
Read the text of Powerclown’s surreal official statement below.
With regards to certain legal actions taken against a certain member of one of my clients, Powerclown, I hereby release the following statement from the band.
Sincerely, Raymond Paip –
Attorney at Large.
Flags are flying half mast at the Powerclown circus tent. I assure you, any frowns we are wearing are real. Painted on or not. All we can do is hope for the best for him. Clownery and parlour tricks, whether by him or us ain’t gonna do no good. Even with his voice, the voice of a songbird, and his velvet-painting-smooth charm, he wont be able to talk his way out of these hijinks, even if he did speak Japanese.
While none of us clowns condone Dicksee’s actions, or recommend anyone else attempting something this foolish, we do hope for the best for our grease-painted pal. We hope that by some small…make that large…miracle, he somehow manages to slide into his cock-pink pants and dance himself back home to face this different form of music he has created for himself. We love you Dicksee. If you somehow make it back here, and we hope you do, we may even go easy on you. Maybe. No promises.
- Sketchy Klown