Yo, Trump supporters! It’s your old pal, Paste Magazine. Have you been looking for a sweet way to own libs? How about this:
You go to an elementary school playground at night. You find a sign, and you write some nasty words where the kids will see it the next day. But here’s the catch—you write the nasty words as though they are coming from the mind of a liberal.
What kind of nasty words am I talking about? Some real lefty extremist language, like:
“Death to Trump” (in case they missed the point the first time)
“Left is the Best”
“Bernie Sanders 2020”
You can imagine how this would go—the kids would see the graffiti, and everyone would be all like, “those damn libs! They won’t even let our kids be kids!”
And then, at last, the purges will begin.
Okay, I’m coming clean—this is not a purely theoretical exercise. In fact, that very idea was conceived and executed by a 32-year-old Trump supporter named Stephen Marks in West Hartford, CT. (He even brought his dog.) The only problem for Marks, as Raw Story reports, is that he committed his crime in a well-lit area and gave the security cameras he didn’t know about a clear shot of his face and body. When police released the video and he saw his face on TV, he quickly folded and turned himself in.
But even though this folk hero ultimately got caught by Johnny Law, surely he will still be celebrated for his ingenuity. Here’s his justification, from Raw Story:
It turns out the suspect is a supporter of Donald Trump seeking to frame political detractors of the controversial president.
The Hartford Courant reported that Marks told investigators he “had the dumb idea to vandalize the school with what would seem to be liberal hate speech.”
As some pointed out, his depiction of the liberal mind may not have been 100% pitch perfect:
(He's referring to this story.)
It's true—this may go down in the annals with other classics like:
But despite the flawed execution, Marks’ heart was in the right place:
Marks also allegedly told police his crime was, “out of anger towards liberals and they are breaking major laws everyday and being disrespectful towards our government.”
Yes, it totally makes sense that when you’re mad about breaking laws and being disrespectful towards government, you:
1. Break a law.
2. Deface government-funded public property.
Now, joking aside just for a quick second: This is another example of malicious activity designed to bring hatred and violence down a political group in America, and it’s too bad that he’s likely going to get off with community service.
Joking back on: Stephen Marks is a hero.
Joking off again: We’re so screwed.