We already know Rob and Sharon don’t exactly abide by what may be considered the “standard dating norm.” In Rob’s case, How I Met Your Mother is hardly something to brag about. But they’re trying to work it out while simultaneously dealing with their own respective bouts of hormones, existential crises and worries about children born with weirdly shaped heads and the resulting necessary special helmets. Rob deals with his job frustrations by going on his very first man-date with Chris, while Sharon accidentally-on-purpose runs into her irritatingly nice (said-through-gritted-teeth) ex and just so happens to agree to have dinner with him. No one ever mentions it as such, but I could hear the infant-time-bomb quietly ticking away throughout this episode. Sharon and Rob are becoming increasingly aware of the drastic turn their lives are about to take and, quite frankly, they are freaking the hell out.
Sharon is going through a weird stage in her pregnancy where she keeps getting “horny and depressed at exactly the same time.” Yes, that really does sound awful. She wakes up in the middle of the night freaking out about life insurance and has this recurring dream where she walks into the kitchen of an Italian chef who ends up stabbing her and the baby to death. There is absolutely no way she can keep all these crazy thoughts to herself so, naturally, she wakes up the soundly-sleeping Rob. He in turn does what he does best: He says all the right, reassuring things to calm her down. However, this time he somehow manages to talk himself into a bit of a frenzy about global warming, just to have Sharon assure him:
“Well, it won’t get fixed by some whining idiot lying in bed lecturing a pregnant woman, will it?”
And with that, she turns around and wishes him “night-night.” I wouldn’t want to be Rob, but you’ve got to admit that Sharon’s hilarious, baby hormones and all. The cool part is, we have no idea whether it’s just all the depressing horniness making her act selfishly coo-coo, or whether she’s always been like that, albeit, perhaps, slightly less exaggerated. For some ladies Rob might come across as a bit of a doormat, but certain come-backs here and there have already prepared us for the inevitable postpartum turn around:
“You know, you say a lot of shit to me and I let you because you’re pregnant but, just so you know, after you have that baby, I’m going be a fucking asshole to you.”
Rob has been neglecting the entire reason he came to the UK in the first place: to set up a London office. Seeing as his own office is based out of Sharon’s tiny bathroom, he hasn’t been very successful in his mission and a rather awkward conference call with his firm confirms that. When he let’s Sharon in on his situation, they start reminiscing about the little lies they told one another on their first date. Rob had laid on thick about owning part of the company when in actual fact he owns 2%; Sharon had fibbed about being a writer and having a PhD. As soon as Rob mentions her lie about being a published author, the smile wipes from her face and she starts picking on Rob’s faults. His badly fitting suits for example; Clive Owen wouldn’t wear a suit like that. I was half expecting him to just suck it up like he usually does so I was extremely impressed by his retort:
“Would Kate Winslet wear a boy’s yellow tweed fucking smoking jacket? I mean, what is THAT?”
You can actually see her jaw drop a little when he says that—offense has been taken. So much so, she goes on a masochistic date with her ex hoping to prove something to herself, when in fact it makes her feel worse than she did before. I’m pretty sure she had absolutely no interest in trying to re-spark an old flame; the apathy in her eyes was present even through her smiles. And, still, I think there was something more complex to it than her just wanting someone from the past to still lust after her. At least she still has gay porn magazines to cry/lust over, and plenty more options to torture herself with. Rob deals with his work and babymama troubles by going on a secret man-date with Chris. The whole thing is rather endearing; although Chris is a strange character (a bit reminiscent of Fargo’s Lorne Malvo), he wholeheartedly encourages Rob to ditch his current job and follow his dream of becoming a large animal vet.
By the time Rob and Sharon meet at home after their respective dates, all seems right with the world again. The baby farts for Rob for the very first time, Sharon finds herself inexplicably turned on by the idea of terrorists targeting her school and Rob takes one for the team: He has sex with this hyper-sexual, crying woman. Well, he tries to anyway…There’s only so much talk about special leggings and adult diapers a man can take whilst trying to make things happen…
“It’s gone soft… Do you want to watch a Homeland?”