Editor’s Note: Welcome to our new column, Reality AF. Every Monday (or this special Friday Edition!), Terry Terrones will check in and talk about the state of reality TV, plus provide a Top 5 list of what’s coming up this week that you should not miss.
When the second season of Love is Blind premiered in February, it was all everyone was talking about. A compelling cast, the crazy idea of marrying someone sight unseen, and Shayne’s eerie resemblance to PC Principal from South Park made it a viral sensation.
Something else that makes this program unique is the long delay in finding out what happened after the series wrapped. Seven months after airing its second season, viewers finally get (some) answers in After the Altar, three, 45-minute episodes released on Friday. Here are the 28 biggest takeaways from each episode.
—Deepti and Kyle as a couple strangely works but I have no idea why.
—I’m so happy that Shaina found the sugar daddy she’s been looking for (he said sarcastically).
—Shayne still needs subtitles because his nonsensical mumbling remains unintelligible.
—Because it’s already been announced that Nick and Danielle have split up, it’s ironic to hear her say, “You can plan something a year from now and know that it’s going to be with that person.” Oops.
—Iyanna is right, blowing your nose in the shower is GROSS. Looking at you, Jarrette.
—Watching Shayne, Kyle, and Jarrette bro out at a bar was like watching the worst male version of The View ever.
—I could’ve really done without any kind of update on Shaina, who is quick to point out how ridiculously happy she is with her new man. Her fake laugh and fake personality is something I can always do without.
—The downfall of Jarrette and Iyanna’s relationship solely rests on his shoulders. Some people think they’re ready for a long term relationship, and realize they’re not. And some of those people do that on a reality show for millions of people to see.
—Mallory looks like Jennifer Lopez’s younger sister.
—Natalie spills the tea on Shaina’s shady backdoor shenanigans at a dinner with the girls: Talking badly about Natalie and their relationship to Shayne, sending flirty messages even after she was dating her new guy, and in general being a bad person. Insert eye roll here.
—Sal shows up to the reunion retreat with his new girlfriend Jessi. Mallory handles it like a champ. A really uncomfortable champ.
—I’m biased (It’s the J-Lo thing.) but Jessi’s not even close to being as cool as Mallory. She’s trying so hard to seem like she’s fun.
—Jarrette and Iyanna clearly have affection for each other. Says Iyanna, “He has a good heart. He’s just an idiot.” Sums it up right there.
—Nick is the show MVP so far. He gives good relationship advice to Kyle, he knows how to navigate his emotional wife and builds bonds with her family, and he’s got a good sense of humor. What went wrong?
—Sal approaches Mallory about things being uncomfortable with his girlfriend around. Now here comes Jessi to add her two cents, and says she’s a chill person. Everything about these two seems forced. Mallory’s not doing anything wrong, she just feels a little weird. What is Mallory supposed to do, just celebrate someone she loved moving on and you waving it in her face? Gimme a break.
—It’s the 30 minute mark of episode two and the Kyle/Deepti will-they-won’t-they is starting to get old. They’re both overthinking it. Just go for it.
—Shaina has arrived. She’s telling everybody that she got engaged last night. Stellar timing.
—Danielle is telling Shaina about the girls dinner where Natalie spilled tea. Shaina is backpedaling faster than an NFL cornerback. “I never liked Shayne. I never wanted Shayne.” I laughed so hard when she said that milk shot out my nose. And I wasn’t even drinking milk.
—Shaina on Natalie, “She’s trying to tear me down when I’ve done nothing to her.” Viewers all know otherwise and this would’ve been a great time for Netflix to insert a montage of all the crap Shaina has said about Natalie, but we don’t get one. Shaina then makes a quick exit.
—Sal is spending time with his sisters and selling the Jessi relationship HARD. I just don’t see it. Something about him feels off, always has.
—Sal is now talking to his siblings about asking Jessi to marry him. Say what?!? You just got out of a marriage!
—Sal is telling his family he caught Mallory drunk in a car with another guy right before their wedding which is why he said no on decision day. If true, this is huge. But is Sal believable? Not really.
—Super awkward conversation with Iyanna’s family with Jarrette where they address the problems in their relationship. I understand they’re trying to help, but they seem overly involved. Iyanna needs to speak for herself and self-advocate. This isn’t middle school.
—Kyle and Deepti finally decide to date. That got dragged out for way too long.
—After disappearing after episode one, Shayne reappears. He’s meeting with Shaina, who just HAS to tell him what Natalie’s been saying. The two get an entire segment to bash Natalie and pretend how they’re honest and good people. The duo are basically shouting, “I am not a crook!”
—And now Shaina’s fiancé has come out and they’re dissing Shayne’s friend and her former fiancé, Kyle. So classy.
—Post-credits scene with Mallory addressing the accusation that she was out getting drunk with another guy. She says she was, but it was an old friend she hadn’t seen in awhile and there was nothing sketchy about it. I believe Mallory.
—Another post credits scene with everyone saying they never saw any of the alleged texts between Shaina and Shayne. I still believe Natalie.
—That’s it?!? Natalie gets no final say after the Shayne/Shaina restaurant scene? At least she’s winning the Instagram war, 706K followers to Shaina’s 216K followers.
—The reason for the Jarrette/Iyanna breakup is clear but not Nate/Danielle. What happened? They seemed happy.
—Speaking of Instagram, if I have to go by what I see on the social network, Kyle and Deepti didn’t last. There’s no trace of them as a couple on their pages.
—Bring on Season 3, which is supposed to premiere sometime this fall.
5 Reality Shows to Watch This Week
1. Below Deck Mediterranean (Bravo, September 19)
Why you should watch it: If I haven’t sold you on this series yet there’s just no hope for you. Go to Peacock, get caught up.
2. Survivor (ESPN2, Season 43 Premiere, September 21)
Why you should watch it: After 22 years on television, 646 castaways and 639 torch snuffs, the premiere of Season 43 will be the series’ 621st episode. I’ve watched every single one, and most seasons multiple times. Greatest. Reality Show. Ever. There’s no one from Colorado on this season (AGAIN!) so I’ll root for the two contestants from Hawaii. I’m waiting for your call Jeff Probst.
3. Lego Masters (Fox, Season 3 Premiere, September 21)
Why you should watch it: You had me at Le-go.
4. The Amazing Race (CBS, Season 34 Premiere, September 21)
Why you should watch it: For the first time in show history, the starting line is outside of the United States, the ancient city of Petra in Jordan gets a visit, and non-elimination legs have been eliminated. Sadly, no Colorado contestants here either.
5. Shark Tank (ABC, Season 14 Premiere, September 23)
Why you should watch it: Tony Xu, the founder of DoorDash, and Goop founder Gwenyth Paltrow are this season’s guest sharks. Quick story: I love basketball so I chatted hoops with Mark Cuban while at a TCA event one year. I jokingly asked him if he could beat Michael Jordan in a three-point contest and he said he could. While Mark is a nice guy, I’d put my money on MJ.
Terry Terrones is a Television Critics Association and Critics Choice Association member, licensed drone pilot, and aspiring hand model.
When he’s not applying for Survivor, you can find him hiking in the mountains of Colorado. You can follow him on Twitter @terryterrones.
For all the latest TV news, reviews, lists and features, follow @Paste_TV.