40. Julie Klausner—@julieklausner
Twitter Bio: I created Difficult People and I have lots of love to give.
Best Recent Tweet: Finally watching the Malala documentary and I can’t believe all she accomplished after she invented the Miracle Mop
Runner-Up: “2015, the year we listened to more jazz” was the last headline she read w/the word “we” in it that made her quit the internet forever
39. Debra DiGiovanni—@debradigiovanni
Twitter Bio: I’m a comedian, but I tell taxi drivers I’m a happily married housewife with kids.
Best Recent Tweet: I was almost named Donna. I wonder what my life would’ve been like?
(MONTAGE OF ME LIVING A LIFE OF CRIME AS DONNA, A BLONDE IN A JUMPSUIT)
Runner-Up: Every once in awhile I’ll forget that I’m a miracle of birth (a twin) and then my mom reminds me by calling me ‘that second one’.
38. Abbi Crutchfield—@curlycomedy
Twitter Bio: Comedian • Contributor @Someecards • curlycomedy on Instagram
Best Recent Tweet: There should be a rude bot that just replies to tweets with “rude.”
Runner-Up: I can’t get rid of my under-eye bags no matter how late I stay up working on a solution.
37. Katie McVay—@katiemcvay
Twitter Bio: Smash dicks, get rich. Helped make @TheComedyExpo, @YellYouBetter, and also my mother cry once.
Best Recent Tweet: Many blessings to the man who has just messaged me a description of his six shirts and wants to know why he needs to buy more.
Runner-Up: People who live where they grew up: Do you not have any ghosts you are desperately trying to outrun, or do you just love being haunted?
36. Eric Dadourian—@ericdadourian
Twitter Bio: Juilliard
Best Recent Tweet: Using a 3 in the place of an E is one of the all time smoothest moves you can pull.
Runner-Up: I got a tattoo because it was free and that’s kind of how I joined Scientology.
35. Jeff Lyons—@usedwigs
Twitter Bio: Executive Producer of ‘Nephew Swap’
Best Recent Tweet: “It’s been a hell of a run…” I whisper as I open the hamper and gently toss in the sweatpants I’ve been wearing the last 9 days.
Runner-Up: Don’t want to ruin anyone’s #NewYearsEve but Pitbull just fell off the tightrope during Pitbull’s New Year’s Eve Tightrope Party. He’s Dead.
34. April Richardson—@Apey
Twitter Bio: I should’ve started R.A.P.E. — Rappers Against Phony Entertainers. http://aprilrichardson.com
Best Recent Tweet: Update on new favorite emoji combo: cool muscle guy / flexing on you
Runner-Up: “I am an absolute and total authority on this thing I have been doing for five minutes, so read on.” — almost every article on the Internet
33. Siobhan Thompson—@vornietom
Twitter Bio: I write for College Humor but also, like, for myself, ya know?
Best Recent Tweet: So do you think Bill Cosby will yell at the other inmates for sagging their pants or what
Runner-Up: Christmas Instagrams are great because you get to see which of your friends grew up in houses with multiple chandeliers
32. so sad today—@sosadtoday
Twitter Bio: lady macbeth // firstname.lastname@example.org // http://www.vice.com/author/So-Sad-Today
Best Recent Tweet: “I’ve reached the point where I just don’t care anymore” —me every day
Runner-Up: she died as she lived, tweeting while crossing the street
31. Norm MacDonald—@normmacdonald
Twitter Bio: This is my official twitter i like bananas. theyre yellow.
Best Recent Tweet: [He deletes them all so we don’t remember. He’s worth following though!—Ed.]
30. Rob Huebel—@robhuebel
Twitter Bio: I give medicinal cocaine to baby animals
Best Recent Tweet: Just saw a lady in Santa hat get thrown off a Southwest flight but I don’t think that was why
Runner-Up: Heads up if you got married by a snowman you pretended was a Parson your marriage doesn’t count and you can walk away anytime
29. Ian Karmel—@IanKarmel
Twitter Bio: One of America’s top 100 Ians. Comedian. Writer. Late Late Show, Chelsea Lately, Portland Mercury, Nike.
Best Recent Tweet: Do any of you ever picture me rolling?
Runner-Up: In a world full of Kardashians… Be an Ian Karmel.
28. Julieanne Smolinski—@BoobsRadley
Twitter Bio: kindly old witch.
Best Recent Tweet: “Rough night?” asked the bartender. “Yeah,” I replied. “TV and movies gave me false expectations about your interest in my personal life.”
Runner-Up: I’m too old to be on “The Real World” and too young to run for president. So I guess I’m just supposed to, like, “hang out.”
27. Allie Goertz—@AllieGoertz
Twitter Bio: I write nerdy love songs and @simpsonspod. Social Media Producer for @midnight. #RickAndMortyAlbum available now! http://bit.ly/1YvAgMG
Best Recent Tweet: ME: We broke up last night. He thinks I’m in love with you. He’s right.
Runner-Up: THERAPIST: Does he take you to dinner? Does he tell you he loves you?
BEATLES GIRLFRIEND: He… let’s me drive his car?
26. Jeb Lund—@Mobute
Twitter Bio: Columnist: Guardian, Rolling Stone. Sometimes: Awl, Classical, Deadspin, Esquire, GQ, SBNation, TNR, Vice, Gawker, SportsOnEarth. Registered sexhaver.
Best Recent Tweet: At what age can Minions consent? Looking for any help here. No trolls.
Runner-Up: As I have again not become a participant in the Lexus December to Remember Sales Event, I will be forgetting this month entirely in 6 days.
25. extremely online guy—nickmullen
Twitter Bio: completely logged in, bitch
Best Recent Tweet: I lied about nothing! When I said I was a 9/11 first responder I meant I was one of the first ppl to be like “damn” when I heard about 9/11
Runner-Up: The common greeting “g’sex” comes from the middle English expression “and good gay sex to ye”
24. Mark Agee—@MarkAgee
Twitter Bio: Standup. I wrote for a Comedy Central talk show too few people watched. I’m currently writing a thing for a thing. You don’t care.
Best Recent Tweet: Did everyone achieve their 2015 resol- haha I can’t even finish it, just wanted to remind you that you’re a piece of shit
Runner-Up: Children are just tiny terrorists you can’t report to anybody
23. Aparna Nancherla—@aparnapkin
Twitter Bio: I am a scrunched up napkin with recyclable dreams. Also a comedian in some cultures. Total drag in others.
Best Recent Tweet: no better proof of “nature finds a way” than that people who are drunk out of their minds still know exactly what train stop to get off at
Runer-Up: My psychiatrist just texted me “nope” & it feels like context is a formality at this point
22. Dave Itzkoff—@ditzkoff
Twitter Bio: ‘’As a Jew, I’m very judgmental. As a street Jew, doubly so.’’ —Sidney Lumet
Best Recent Tweet: If either party has a brokered presidential convention, it has to be hosted by Steve Harvey.
Runner-Up: Why can’t Hillary do Broad City? Nathan For You has been running Ben Carson as a candidate for months now
21. Chelsea Peretti—@chelseaperetti
Twitter Bio: One of the Greats. Brooklyn Nine Nine. Hour stand-up special on Netflix. Podcast on itunes. CAPS AREN’T YELLING THEY R ACTION MOVIE LEVEL INTENSITY TWEETING.
Best Recent Tweet: I should clarify: Merry Christmas to verifieds with over 10k followers at the very least ONLY
Runner-Up: THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY WAS SEEING @kevin_nealon WALTZING AROUND ON THE LOT W HIS AGENTS #BIGSHOT #FAME #NEALON #KEVIN #Hollywood