Every day, hundreds of Reddit users seek advice on the site’s Relationships page, opening their hearts on everything from dating to break-ups to infidelity to friendships gone wrong. We think this is a mistake—they should be coming directly to Paste. Why bother broadcasting your problems to hundreds of thousands of Reddit users when you could come straight to the Internet’s top source for relationship advice? Each week, I’ll try to correct this problem by addressing four of the relationship questions that really spoke to me, and little by little, I’ll make the world a better, and more terrible, place.
Welcome back! It’s week two of Paste’s very own terrible advice column. If you missed last week, where we tackled infidelity and weird shower habits, go check it out now! And now that you’re back and all caught up, let’s see what the broken hearts of Reddit have to say this week.
Spill your guts, Popular YouTuber:
Ann and I have been married for 9 months, we’ve been together for 3 years. Our relationship has been pretty smooth, and I love her to bits. However, we have a big personality clash. We’ve lived with it in the past but its affected her more than it has affected me. I’m more of a ‘keep it all in’ guy and I prefer to deal with my issues by myself. She on the other hand, talks about her issues with me, and we work through them together. I’ve always been a little “cold”, maybe steely is a better word. I’m not too emotional, not that its a good or bad thing, its just the way I am.
My wife and I were forced to put down our dog recently. He was my dog before we met but he became a big part of our family. She loved the hell out of that dog, and I did too. When I lived abroad for a year, he kept her company and she was very close to him. So, we came back from the vet, and she was crying all the way. I was feeling really sad but I wasn’t really showing it. She asked why I wasn’t feeling sad, I told her I was. She started screaming at me for not having feelings, me being inhuman, me being cold, and her being scared of me for that. I told her that I cannot force myself to cry and I was feeling terrible inside…
Next morning, I wake up and decide to edit some videos I wanted to upload. I work from home and I have one main computer to work from. It has 3 hard drives. The first one is my OS drive the other two have recordings on them. I wake up to find the other two completely wiped. I freak out and irrationally think that it might have been some software or something. I try and see what the cause was, and I can’t figure out anything. I had put in so much work recording these videos, so much effort had gone into them. I broke down. I had backed up only the recordings from 2 months ago. I’m sobbing hard and I just feel pathetic. I’d lost so much of my work and I couldn’t figure out how. My wife then comes in, sees me. I tell her what happened. She tells me she did it. She wanted to see me cry and didn’t know how else to make it happen. She’s is happy she got to see that some part of me is human. She tells me it was healthy for me to let my emotions out…I feel nothing but hatred towards her right now, but I need to be tactful in handling this situation right now. Help me figure it out?
In an attempt to help this poor man, I looked up Most Subscribed YouTube Users list on Wikipedia, and stopped when I got to no. 9: Eminem. Could this despairing post be the work of the iconic Detroit rapper?
Consider the facts: Back in Nov. 2013, the Internet was abuzz with rumors that he had gotten back together with Kim, his old flame. Hmmm. Kim. Ann. Both three letters. Both involved with popular YouTubers. The evidence is overwhelming: This is definitely Eminem.
Therefore, my advice is simple: Eminem, you should write a hateful rap song about “Ann,” revealing exactly how you’ll get your revenge in graphic detail, while throwing in a few offensive slurs for good measure. You’ll feel better in no time!
Let’s turn now to Picky Boyfriend:
I met a great girl, Wendy, my last year of college. We became good friends and started dating after graduation and have our 3 year anniversary coming up. I’ve got the money saved up for a ring and have been debating popping the question for our anniversary.
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