My roommates hosted a game night last evening, and it was a ton of fun, even though my stupid teammates failed me at “Adult” Taboo. (All the answers are basically “Semen” or “Bad Date.”) The night got me thinking: nobody really likes Jenga right? At best, it’s a tolerable hostage situation, and at worse you’re just giving all of your guests an anxiety attack. Buzz off, Jenga; you’re somehow worse than Battleship. Anyway, here are the Tweets I curated while those losers played that game for dummies:
A kid at the skatepark asked me if I know what lean was. I told that lil shit god isn’t real
— HE GONE CRY IN THE CAR (@Dirt_God) January 10, 2019
Hitting the weed pen in the club pic.twitter.com/qSlyLKEU4A
— Scam Likely (@PaulyPeligroso) January 14, 2019
(thoughtfully) Garfield, to me, is a heady mix of verbal and visual humor
— cargo shorts bulging w forbidden items (@gloomfather) January 10, 2019
hey guys jonny sun and lin manuel miranda here with a reminder that it is totally valid to wake up in the morning, go into your parent’s room, take a card out of their wallet and copy the full number on the front, the expiration date, and the 3 digit security code on the back
— lil arab (@sweatyhairy) January 10, 2019
not using twitter is fucking hard lol. what am i supposed to do with all my thoughts like “cum bolognese”
— molly ringwald (@mollyblingwald) January 11, 2019
Sometimes I try to fight that “all men ain’t shit” fight, then I remember I’ve seen all my homies with their shoes off
— David Gborie (@thegissilent) January 10, 2019
Leaving my wife like: pic.twitter.com/AaF3Oj5h9l
— REPLY GUY SMILEY (@garyflickinger) January 10, 2019
I apologize for my behavior at trivia night.
— Melinda Kashner (@kashnerd) January 10, 2019
if he ejaculates semen it’s because his body is full of toxins and he has had too many sexual partners. Men are not supposed to have semen its unclean! Vegan men with few sex partners ejaculate fresh water. Find a virgin man and leave these McDonalds eating thots alone! stay woke
— ? (@gracefyi) January 8, 2019
killed an entire family for a bit
— duck (@DuckFanAccount) January 14, 2019
— dezhawn france (@DezhawnFrance) January 14, 2019
— Big Boi (@BigBoi) January 14, 2019
okay now what https://t.co/ezWz4WJVv4
— asmra (@samelpan) January 13, 2019
— edith puthy (@thottbaio) January 13, 2019
Is Deez Nuts running in 2020?
— Sharron Paul (@Sharronica) January 13, 2019
The Bisexuals cancelled Logan Paul because they were jealous his sexual orientation publicity stunt got more attention than theirs
— ben (@as_someone_who) January 13, 2019
— fran (@TrophyUncle) January 8, 2019
I told someone on reddit “Shut up idiot” but then i looked at his post history and its all like “im depressed because im so ugly” and now im rly sad lol
— OFF ROUTE (@onlinepresent) January 13, 2019
Comedy shows over 90 minutes should be charged with kidnapping and held accountable in federal court.
— Michael Longfellow (@Longfellowww) January 13, 2019
This would be more effective without the quotations, Mike https://t.co/0CZfMtVw1D
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) January 13, 2019
What’s your most vivid ‘in the closet’ memory? Mine is faking reluctance as my friends dragged me to watch Brokeback Mountain, and then pretending to hate it after very obviously sobbing at the end.
— Glenn Loury 2.0 Darker, Gayer, Different (@justabloodygame) January 12, 2019
CNN is reporting that the masked singers have all died. apparently they forgot to put air holes in the masks. more on this tragic story as it develops
— Seth Simons (@sasimons) January 12, 2019
Why be good at sex when you can just be bad at it
— Joe tullar (@joetullar123456) January 14, 2019