My roommates hosted a game night last evening, and it was a ton of fun, even though my stupid teammates failed me at “Adult” Taboo. (All the answers are basically “Semen” or “Bad Date.”) The night got me thinking: nobody really likes Jenga right? At best, it’s a tolerable hostage situation, and at worse you’re just giving all of your guests an anxiety attack. Buzz off, Jenga; you’re somehow worse than Battleship. Anyway, here are the Tweets I curated while those losers played that game for dummies:
A kid at the skatepark asked me if I know what lean was. I told that lil shit god isn’t real
(thoughtfully) Garfield, to me, is a heady mix of verbal and visual humor
— cargo shorts bulging w forbidden items (@gloomfather) January 10, 2019
hey guys jonny sun and lin manuel miranda here with a reminder that it is totally valid to wake up in the morning, go into your parent’s room, take a card out of their wallet and copy the full number on the front, the expiration date, and the 3 digit security code on the back
if he ejaculates semen it’s because his body is full of toxins and he has had too many sexual partners. Men are not supposed to have semen its unclean! Vegan men with few sex partners ejaculate fresh water. Find a virgin man and leave these McDonalds eating thots alone! stay woke
I told someone on reddit “Shut up idiot” but then i looked at his post history and its all like “im depressed because im so ugly” and now im rly sad lol
What’s your most vivid ‘in the closet’ memory? Mine is faking reluctance as my friends dragged me to watch Brokeback Mountain, and then pretending to hate it after very obviously sobbing at the end.
— Glenn Loury 2.0 Darker, Gayer, Different (@justabloodygame) January 12, 2019
CNN is reporting that the masked singers have all died. apparently they forgot to put air holes in the masks. more on this tragic story as it develops
