The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo courtesy of Getty Images
The vaccine is real! Some people have even gotten it. Like that dude in the photo above, and CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Gandalf. Wizards are a high risk group. It’ll still take months to roll this bad boy out for everybody, meaning we’re far from done with this pandemic, but at least it’s the start. Some day in 2021 things will hopefully return to something resembling normal, and then maybe we won’t need Twitter anymore. Or maybe we’ll just lay in bed with our phone’s small rectangle of light as the only illumination in our room, alternately laughing and crying at whatever nonsense passes by our Twitter feeds. As we did during and also before the pandemic. Who knows.
Here are some of that first kind of tweet: the ones that’ll make you laugh. Hopefully. They at least made us laugh, so that’s something. Read ‘em, share ‘em, follow the people who wrote ‘em, and get the vaccine when you can, assuming you don’t have the kind of allergies that could make it deadly for you to take.
me and the boys hijacking the vaccine truck pic.twitter.com/Gmnd67fd60
— ben “grinchpilled christ más lifestyle” flores (@limitlessjest) December 12, 2020
This is Mark Wahlberg’s first line in The Happening. He plays a teacher at Philadelphia High School in Philadelphia. pic.twitter.com/cHBbMQrqwC
— Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) December 10, 2020
that scene in doctor who where the doctor brings vincent van gogh to a 21st century exhibition of his work except he takes t.s. eliot to a screening of cats (2019)
— aIison (@aIisoooon) December 11, 2020
Earlier this year I thought we’d get Covid relief checks ten times and Trump would lose once, not the other way around
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 12, 2020
da E Street band consists of Max Wineberg, Bruce, Mitch Hedberg, Silvio, Robert Blake’s character from Lost Highway & JK Rowling pic.twitter.com/Yrh5PeofJ4
— Dan Licata (@danlicatasucks) December 13, 2020
they finally cracked the zodiac cipher pic.twitter.com/Jjgqw6UU6T
— COLiN BURGESS (@Colinoscopy) December 12, 2020
— atrophy wife (@zuza_real) December 12, 2020
Philip K Dick movies all have names like CORTICAL IMPASSE and are based on short stories called like “Let’s See What’s Going On Down at the Brain Factory”
— stu (@rinbcage) December 13, 2020
“Peloton!! Moderna!! It’s suppertime!!!” – me in 2034 calling my children in for suppertime
— julia shiplett (@juliashiplett) December 14, 2020
Timothee Chalamet looks out of place anywhere that isn’t the afterparty for a high school production of Les Mis.
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) December 13, 2020
aging is a trip I used to be able to do four beers a bump 2 hours sleep then go to work no problem now if I eat a dessert I have to go to the hospital
— subtle gynandromorph (@sashageffen) December 13, 2020
The Queen’s Gambit is really great and I’m also pretty sure it holds the record for Love Scene Involving Characters With The Most Different Eyeball Spacings pic.twitter.com/0oJCvB1HNp
— Regional Expert (@SortaBad) December 14, 2020
PETE BUTTIGIEG: the thing about trains… is that they only move forward, and so will we. Forward on the tracks of unity, past the signal light of division, and hurtling at uncontrollable speeds towards the sharp turn of promise
JOE BIDEN [crying]: ok kid, you got the job— graham techler (@gr8h8m_t3chl3r) December 15, 2020
POV: you’re in an acting class 🙁 pic.twitter.com/UEd0PfZBy8
— kylie brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) December 15, 2020
be a male comedian over 35 and don’t make a joke about cancel culture in ur set challenge
— Christian Garcia (@moldylamp) December 17, 2020
can you take me higher a dooby dooby doo https://t.co/wyLjU4AizS
— Allen Strickland Williams (@TotallyAllen) December 17, 2020
“men don’t do drama” caesar’s friend group literally stabbed him 23 times
— anja (@internetanja) December 12, 2020
The vaccine is totally safe and effective but does have one small side effect pic.twitter.com/7BZYHB0z4s
— Slade (@Slade) December 17, 2020
The regular The temporary
melancholy of pleasures of
everyday life buying shit online pic.twitter.com/3bt2oQwDvR— Curry Bradshaw (@queerdiscox) December 16, 2020
This vaccine is obviously just another part of Bill Gates’ successful world domination plan, I say as I scroll through my Windows phone and listen to my Zune
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 14, 2020
gonna take my $600 stimulus directly to my bookie to lay odds on Mr. Trump winning the election.
— luke oneil (@lukeoneil47) December 17, 2020