Let’s see, a few interesting things happened this week. First Elon Musk, union-buster and Rick and Morty fan, went to Thailand to offer his tiny submarine as a means of rescuing the soccer team trapped in a cave. An obvious PR stunt, it would never have worked and was roundly rejected by the multinational team of divers conducting the rescue operation. Phewf! Later in the week, Musk was revealed as a major donor Republican PAC. His response was that he gives money to both parties so he can call up Congress whenever he pleases. Cool, great! Finally, and this is where it really gets juicy, after one of the rescuers criticized Musk’s terrible submarine, Musk called the man a pedophile and vowed to prove once and for all that his sub would’ve worked. Incredible! Nothing else happened this week. Here are the tweets:
Kylie Jenner The Youngest Person To Refuse Solving The Flint Water Crisis Even Though They Could
— jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) July 12, 2018
Thinking about how in Harry Potter there was an evil shop full of death magic on evil street and everyone was just fine with this being a place of business. Wizards are stupid as shit.
— TAFKA “jncos” (@gapingmaws) July 14, 2018
don’t you see, he’s not supporting them, he’s attempting to buy them, which is different and better, for some reason pic.twitter.com/3uIpu3PYQO
— Max Read (@max_read) July 15, 2018
Weird that dating Colin Jost could ever be the second biggest mistake someone’s made all year
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) July 14, 2018
The key to a successful relationship is to be an improv teacher dating their student
— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) July 11, 2018
uhhh yeah imagine the queen having to deal with a senile extremely racist old white guy for the first time ever https://t.co/G51ue4XeAG
— illy bocean (@IllyBocean) July 13, 2018
Thanks to everyone who supported me!! pic.twitter.com/ueDzK3FOUX
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) July 13, 2018
What the FUCK to the Russian-meme details of this FBI indictment pic.twitter.com/QAQUKTSdU4
— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) July 13, 2018
good thing scotus stands for Sick-ass Carpool of the United States pic.twitter.com/K4abmd5fbH
— Emma Specter (@EmmaSpecter) July 10, 2018
changed the laugh track in friends to seth rogen pic.twitter.com/OEDfoeETeB
— Rory Strahan-Mauk (@rorystrahanmauk) July 13, 2018
it appears the consensus is that the best way to get back at sacha baron cohen for making you look stupid is to loudly tell everyone what a good job he did
— Connor Golden, Professional Sportswriter (@CONNORisSWEET) July 12, 2018
— Andy Greenwald (@andygreenwald) July 12, 2018
— Michelle Spies (@spies_please) July 12, 2018
One
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Singular sensation, every little step she takes pic.twitter.com/ew19JNUQXf— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) July 12, 2018
When Dems say they’re going to abolish ICE pic.twitter.com/WljZYOe710
— Eliz@beth King (@ekingc) July 11, 2018
Trey Gowdy looks like a True Blood extra who was fired for getting “too into it” pic.twitter.com/LuKZDZhwpU
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) July 12, 2018
i knew going in sharp objects was going to be an emotionally harrowing experience but nothing could have prepared me for the visceral stress of having to watch two kids run around with their backpacks WIDE OPEN in the first five minutes pic.twitter.com/cJxFHZ7TU0
— Simon Henriques (@simonhenriques) July 12, 2018
um! feminist WIN!!!!!! we did it! pic.twitter.com/i440F8EOy6
— steph mccann (@whatissteph) July 12, 2018
etsy is a place where i can just relax and be… me pic.twitter.com/w1OD0WmckQ
— LUCY (@LUCYANARANDALL) July 11, 2018
Tfw you stop running from past trauma and learn how to live with it comfortably. pic.twitter.com/WABCvDm7gJ
— Joe Earp (@Theunderlook) July 10, 2018
check it out, it’s some shit that sucks pic.twitter.com/LWbVZuVM39
— velvet millman (@rachelmillman) July 11, 2018
Messed up that Sacha Baron Cohen would start an interview with Sarah Palin, then periodically cover his face with his hands so she’d get confused about where he went
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 11, 2018
Men over 40 watching me do comedy pic.twitter.com/LHB1pu2hEI
— Marcia Belsky (@MarciaBelsky) July 11, 2018
bird pharmacist pic.twitter.com/Cfvkuc0fWa
— tunp trane (@deceasedbaron) July 11, 2018
There are days when I can’t believe I can’t find a job in social media management pic.twitter.com/UVLAWPbP4L
— rachel jane andelman (@rajandelman) July 10, 2018
oh, for the love of…that soccer team is already trapped in another cave
— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) July 10, 2018
Things you can call your male friends
-my boy
-my dude
-my buddyThings you apparently cannot
-my son
-my incredible boy
-my little king— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) July 10, 2018
— Insatiable Gun Taker (@crushingbort) July 10, 2018
“Can you turn rape into marketing copy?” “Sure, you bet.” “Great, it’s for Handmaid’s Tale wine.” “Haha, love it.” pic.twitter.com/9089Cveu0G
— Margaret Lyons (@margeincharge) July 10, 2018
have you noticed that every comedian looks like this pic.twitter.com/4Dl3vWMT1H
— Mikey Heller (@yoyorobot) July 9, 2018
If there is hot and cold water, then there should be hot and cold hand soap. Otherwise what are we doing here
— Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) July 9, 2018
two comedians in a car creates tension, and when they get coffee it relieves that tension. but in my special they never get coffee. i leave you with that tension.
— Andrew Durso (@andrew_durso) July 9, 2018
International House Of Fucking Liars https://t.co/7HpS3EmMS8
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) July 9, 2018
Ah, jeez. This sucks. pic.twitter.com/MxtkrJBSae
— Ben Marshall (@notbenmarshall) July 9, 2018