Hey, Bartender! Is it okay to ask you to adjust the volume on the music or TV?
Depending on the type of bar you’re in, the background noise is going to vary wildly. Generally, it’s okay to make a request regarding the volume of the music or TV. Just be aware that you might not always get your wish.
Higher end bars tend to keep the music low and the TVs on mute, if they have TVs at all. Places like this usually have a very good sense of the type of atmosphere they’re trying to cultivate. Someone has likely given some thought to not only what you’re hearing but also how loud you’re hearing it.
Still, if you’re finding volume higher than you’d prefer, go ahead and see what the bartender can do about it. If we can, we’ll probably turn it down a notch or two. If we politely inform you that it’s beyond our control, try not to make a fuss — that never helps matters.
Upping the TV volume might be a trickier request. Nicer bars that still have TVs almost always keep them on mute. We’re more than happy to change the channel so you can watch you’re favorite team, provided someone else hasn’t already laid claim to it. But unless you’re in a sports bar, we’re not going to be turning up the volume.
Rowdier bars, meanwhile, are typically more liberal with the volume dial. Here the bartender decides the acceptable volume for the room. You may want us to crank it to 11 when your favorite jam comes on the jukebox, but remember that we still need to be able to hear your orders so please understand if we prefer to keep things at a seven.
Let’s talk about jukeboxes for a moment. Lots of bars install them as a means of generating some extra cash. They also give guests a chance to play the music they want to hear. Win-win. However, like most democratic experiments, it’s a mixed bag. I could spend an entire column discussing jukebox etiquette — how you conduct yourself at the jukebox says a lot about the kind of human being you are — but I doubt I’d accomplish much more than a string of angry comments below.
Suffice to say, pick what you like, but don’t harass the bartender to turn it up — and then turn it up some more — every time one of your songs comes on. Conversely, don’t make a big show about how bad the song someone else just picked is. We just had to endure your Toby Keith; you’ll survive a little Taylor Swift, bruh.
At the end of the day, the bartender is the final arbiter of the jukebox. Most modern jukebox models, like TouchTunes, have a master remote, which the bartender keeps behind the bar. In addition to controlling the volume, it also allows us to skip songs. Song vetoes are a dicey thing. It’s the nuclear option, but sometimes skipping a song is necessary to preserve the delicate barroom ecosystem (and/or the bartender’s sanity). Examples of vetoes might include: playing the same song more than once, playing too much music from the same artist, playing a song that’s too long, playing a song that’s met with widespread contempt from the rest of the bar. If this happens to you, try to be mature about it. It’s not entirely fair, but remember it’s only a song so maybe just chill out. If you say something —without being a total jerk — we’ll probably even give you back your quarters.
In non-jukebox bars, criticizing the music probably won’t win you any friends either. Some bars let the bartender choose the soundtrack for the night. My favorite local bars do this, and it’s great. Each bartender has his or her own taste, which adds a unique flavor to every shift. And while I may prefer some bartender’s tastes to others, slagging the playlist is just going to get me on their bad side.
A bar with a band or a DJ is a whole other animal. If it’s too loud, you’re most likely out of luck. Aside from sympathizing with you — because it probably is too damn loud — the bartender doesn’t have much control here. Musicians and DJs can be very stubborn about turning down the volume. I have observed instances when the bar has intervened, but this is rare.
In any case, be mindful about how you frame your requests. Bars are a shared space. A bartender’s job is to ensure that space is enjoyable for everyone, not just you. That’s no easy task. However, it can be a lot easier when guests do their part to be good neighbors
In the time-honored tradition of bartenders telling jokes, here’s some standup comedy. Enjoy. (NSFW language)
Jim Sabataso is a freelance writer and part-time bartender living in Vermont. Have a bar- or cocktail-related or question, you’d like answered? Send it to him on Twitter @JimSabataso with the hashtag #heybartender.